Meet the Family
by College Fool
Summary: Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended when she gets involved in the runaway's family reunion.
1. Meet the Prodigal Son

Meet the Parents

/

 _Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended._

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Prodigal Son

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/

In Yang's defense, she didn't start any of it. At least not on purpose.

It's not like Yang woke up _intending_ any of the weekend's events- spending some quality shopping time with Jaune, or hitting on total hottie only to realize he was Jaune's father, or having a life-or-near-death chase with Jaune at her back, or trying to help mediate a reconciliation with Jaune's mother, or fighting a death battle with Jaune's mother over Jaune himself.

It just kinda… happened.

But honestly- totally unplanned. Like she needed Jaune as an excuse to do any of that.

Still, it wasn't a total let down. Even if she'd ended up in the infirmary, she'd helped a friend, and Jaune totally owed her one. More than one, really- but who was counting, besides her? Given how guilty he looked when he visited, she could probably milk this out for weeks.

To think, it all started just a few days earlier…

/

* * *

/

"Oh, hey Jaune!" Yang greeted as she walked up towards the airship docks to find her fellow blonde already there. "Didn't see you hiding there by the trashcan. What's up?"

Jaune looked up from where he had indeed been staring intently at the receptacle. "Hey Yang," he greeted in return. "You going in to Vale today too?" he asked, before giving a puzzled expression as he around. "Where's the rest of your team?"

Yang waved her friends' absence aside. "Ah, we decided to take a break from each other today. Absence making the heart fonder, and all that. I'm off to blow off some steam," she admitted. A nice stroll through Vale… or a heart-pounding ride on her precious bumblebee…

"That makes sense," Jaune nodded, agreeable, before letting a silence fall as he stared blankly at the trash can.

Yang frowned, growing bored quickly. "Isn't it a bit too early for that, Vomit Boy?" she teased. "The bullhead isn't even here yet."

Jaune gave a sheepish smile. "I know," he admitted. "But even the _thought_ of flying to Vale…" he trailed off, seeing her lingering disgust at their first encounter. "Look, motion sickness is a more common problem than people admit!"

Yang ignored that and focused on her curiosity. "Then why are you?" Yang asked. "Must be pretty important to take the trip if you don't have to.

"Oh, I just have some business in Vale," Jaune replied evasively. "You know."

Yang frowned, since she didn't, but a thought came to mind. "You picking something up?" she asked.

"Yeah, actually," Jaune admitted, surprised.

"For you or someone else?" Yang asked.

"Not for me," Jaune denied.

Yang smirked. "Girl?" she asked, challenging.

"Yeah," Jaune admitted, shoulder slumping at being found so easily. "I just need to find something good."

Yang nodded to herself, pleased with herself for figuring it out. "Want help?" she offered.

"Huh?" Jaune asked, surprised.

Yang tossed her head and struck a pose that showed off her figure. "Well, I _am_ the expert on girls here," she said. "Offense intended, no offense," she added as they both thought of Jaune's 'style.'

Instead of looking offended, though, Jaune looked hopeful. "You'd do that? For me?" he asked.

"Sure, why not? It could be fun," Yang explained.

If she were in a good mood, she could help Jaune by picking out something that wouldn't embarrass Weiss too much… and if she were in a better mood, she could lead him into picking something that would _really_ embarrass her.

"Thanks Yang!" Jaune exclaimed, looking like an puppy. "I knew this many gifts would clean me out, but-"

That many? "Hold on, Jaune," Yang cautioned. "I don't think Weiss would appreciate that many gifts," she began.

"Not just Weiss," Jaune waved off easily. "All the other girls too. I always have a hard time picking out, and this year was going to be tougher than last-"

"Jaune," Yang interrupted, "how many girls are you buying gifts for, exactly?" she asked, torn between being shocked, disgusted, and grudgingly impressed that Jaune was going to be buying gifts for girls other than Weiss at the same time.

Jaune gave her an odd look. "Fourteen. Why?"

/

* * *

/

"Remind me," Jaune asked half an hour later, after the bullhead landed, "why I wanted to go Christmas shopping today?" He looked green to the gills, and stared at the new trashcan with a different sort of consideration than the last one.

"Don't be like that!" Yang said cheerfully. "Seven sisters, a mom, and all of JNPR and RWBY? And not the week before? You're doing good, Jaune!" she praised.

"But why-" Jaune gasped, "-why Vale? Couldn't I have done this online or something?"

"Head up, you're doing better than last time," Yang encouraged with a hearty slap on the back. Jaune's eyes bulged as his cheeks bulged with air. "You haven't actually thrown up yet!" she added.

Jaune shot her a glare, but a gag distracted him as he fought a familiar battle. "Oh dust, why?" he moaned.

"Cheer up, Jaune. You should feel lucky a girl as hot as me is accompanying you," Yang boasted. "People might get the wrong impression about us. What do you think of that?"

Yang frowned at Jaune's back as he bent further over the trashcan and audibly gagged.

"That better have been airsickness," she warned darkly.

Jaune recovered, having won this battle. "And why are you coming along?" he asked, wiping his face.

"I'm just a selfless friend who wants to help ensure the quality of your gifts," Yang claimed.

Jaune gave her a look.

"And I'm bored," Yang admitted.

Jaune waited a little while longer.

"And I want to see what you're getting everyone," Yang admitted. "I won't tell," she promised, miming zipping her lips.

Jaune sighed, either giving up or gathering his resolve. "I could use help carrying bags," he admitted.

Yang laughed. "That's a funny joke, Jaune," she said. "Asking a girl to carry your bags while shopping."

/

* * *

/

"I can't believe you asked a girl to carry your bags while shopping," Yang groused darkly hours later.

"Oh, come on, Yang," Jaune whined from behind her. "You've got one! I'm carrying, like, ten of them!"

It was true- while Yang carried a single bags, Jaune was loaded down with nearly a dozen, struggling under the mass and weight. Nearly toppling under the weight- top-heavy from a number of boxes that came up to his nose- Yang sighed and had pity.

"Let's take a break," Yang said, guiding him to a nearby bench at a park. Jaune (carefully) set down the packages with audible relief, grateful for the break even if he wouldn't have asked for it. Before them there were landscaped paths and bushes… and by a fountain, a young woman selling flowers.

Yang paid her no mind and instead considered their haul- reasonably impressed despite herself. Half of it was her influence, she felt- sniffing out the better deal when Jaune would have settled for the first thing he came across- but he'd put some thought into it. At least for his sisters- a pleasant surprise to Yang, who understandably had a soft-spot for sisters everywhere.

"So who do we have left?" she asked, though it was easier for Jaune to count off who they had.

"There's my sisters," Jaune pointed at most of the bags and boxes, which were filled with assorted things. Yang had snuck in a few beauty items on a whim- a little stocking stuffer from a secret santa- which probably was the most normal stuff in the pile. Jaune clearly had put in some thought for them… but Yang didn't know what to make of what he'd chosen. Or what they implied.

Any one of those sisters would be a story in and of itself. Another day, perhaps.

The next stack was a more conventional. "That's for JNPR," Jaune said with pride. His idea was decent enough as a base- a set of digital picture frames and a pre-set image of a nice team photo. Yang had helped pick out a more personal, secondary gift for all three. Some wrist wraps and a gun polish for Ren, to help keep his stormflowers tucked away smoothly. A coupon book for IKOP- International Kingdom of Pancakes- for Nora, and some specialty syrups they found in a country store. And for Pyrrha…

Honestly, Yang had been torn between suggesting something nice, or guiding Jaune to something romantic. Dust knows he'd never do either on his own deliberately. But when he'd come out of a shop with pride- a metallic wire set that would be malleable for Pyrrha to morph in any number of shapes with her semblance, from hairpin to lockpick- she'd given a thumbs up and not worried about it.

Which left… her single bag.

"Well, at least you know Ruby will be happy," Yang said with a touch of a forced smile. A little bit of gun grease and weapon polish, and a whet stone, really, _really_ shouldn't make a little girl so happy.

Jaune laughed, even as they both skirted the lack of any other RWBY gifts. There wasn't anything Weiss needed, per see, that she couldn't buy herself- and Yang's suggestion of 'I won't bother you for a day' coupons hadn't been well received. Blake was probably going to be a book, but while she loved to tease her partner she wasn't sure about leaking her favorite series to the guy beside her. And as for Yang…

Well, obviously Jaune wouldn't buy the gift in front of her. Maybe he'd come back for some of the hints she'd dropped. Though if he actually had the guts to go into a lingerie store, let alone give her some, she'd laugh.

Which left…

"Just need something for your parents, right?" Yang asked.

Instead of the thought of them making him happy, Jaune slouched further into the bench.

"Yeah," he said, half-sighing in a way that wasn't simple tiredness.

"Hard to shop for?" Yang asked sympathetically, even though she doubted that was the case.

"More like too easy," Jaune laughed slightly. "I could give them a hand-drawn picture and they'd put it on the wall with pride."

"Can you draw?" Yang asked, curious.

"No, but they'd say it was the thought that counts," Jaune laughed self-deprecatingly. "It's just…" he drew his knees closer to himself, wrapping his arms around them as he stared into the park.

"Yang? How do you give a gift that says "I'm sorry," when you're not really sorry?" Jaune asked.

Yang didn't know- but sensing it was weighing on Jaune, stayed quiet to let him speak.

"You… know how I got into Beacon, right?" Jaune asked.

Yang thinned her lips. "Yeah," she admitted. "Pyrrha didn't tell me or anything, but… I kinda figured."

Jaune didn't mind. He continued. "When I decided to try to get into Beacon, I kept it a secret from them. I knew they'd be worried- they'd be right to worry- but I was afraid they'd try to stop me if they knew. Or go to the faculty if they knew where. So I didn't tell them."

"You ran away from home?" Yang asked, more shocked at that than she'd been when she accepted he'd cheated his way in.

Jaune nodded morosely. "Middle of the night. I'd been saving money for awhile. I waited for when Dad was out on a job, helped Mom put the girls to bed, and when she went to bed…" He hugged his legs tighter.

"Did you at least leave them a letter? Let them know you were alright?" Yang asked.

Jaune shook his head. "I didn't even know if I'd get in. If I didn't, I'd be back within a week. But then there was initiation- then I was in, but trying to keep up…" He shook his head. "I'm sorry how I did it, but I'm not sorry that I did it. I lied, but it was towards something that means a lot to me." He rested his head on his arms. "Yang? Did I run away? Or did I abandon them?" he asked.

"You abandoned them," she said bluntly.

Jaune sunk into himself a little more, and did nothing to refute it.

"But you're fixing that," Yang continued. "That's why you're shopping today, right?" she asked. "To send them something and let them know you're alright. And you want it to be good so they know you're thinking of them."

Jaune didn't respond, not verbally, but seemed to perk up.

Yang nodded, as much to herself as Jaune. "Then I think they'll forgive you. Maybe not right away, but at least you're trying to get back to them." She considered. "Maybe something that shows you know what they think and feel?" she said.

"Think and feel…" Jaune muttered, before sitting up. "Yang, could you watch the bags for a minute?" he asked, stepping forward before Yang could give a response.

Yang looked forward- looked at what he'd been looking at- and only saw the flower girl by the fountain. "I swear, if he just ignored all that just to flirt…" she muttered in disgust.

But if he did, it was the shortest, most transactional flirt ever. The girl looked confused, and then smiled as Jaune pulled out his wallet and handed over a single lien in exchange for a single white flower. Jaune returned, holding the flower carefully, and with a look on his face that didn't suggest amorous success or failure.

Yang softened. "I'd say Weiss might be touched, but you'd buy a white rose for that, wouldn't you?" she asked, only slightly teasing. "I'm sure your mom will appreciate it."

"It's for my Dad, actually," Jaune admitted with a soft smile. "He'll understand."

Yang smiled back. "Well, that's one down, and one to go," she said. "Any brilliant insights for your mom?"

Jaune shook his head. "What would you give an overprotective mom who never wanted to let you out of her sight?"

"I don't think I can answer that," Yang said neutrally, and Jaune felt a need to punch himself, but Yang moved on with a better smile. "But I _do_ have an overprotective Dad who once bear-hugged an Ursa to death, if that helps."

"That sounds like her," Jaune laughed.

"Then let's go," Yang said, standing with good cheer. "I've got an idea."

/

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/

Author Note:

Something relatively short, and a lead-in to a project I've had in my mind for some time but decided to start.

There's a real-world time-constraint that's making me start this now- you'll understand why by chapter three- but this short story will be done by the end of the week.


	2. Meet the Father

Meet the Parents

/

 _Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended._

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Meet the Father

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/

And so she did. A short while longer, shopping complete, she even helped him carry his packages- a nice chance to show off the merits of her bumblebee. The bike was currently serving as an impromptu package delivery service… to another package delivery service.

"It's simple," Yang had told Jaune. "You want to make up for running away? Send them today. Even if you don't send a letter, at least they'll know you're alive and well."

He'd agreed that it was good advice, and she probably wouldn't have let him back out if he'd tried. But he hadn't… at least not until he turned white as they pulled up towards a delivery service Yang had used in the past. Parking beside a stockier black bike, she gave Jaune a curious look.

"You're not going to throw up on me now, are you Vomit Boy?" she asked, even though he hadn't even turned green during their (slow, precarious) trip here with the gifts.

"Uh, no," Jaune denied, but he wasn't looking at her. He was staring at the black bike. "Uh, Yang? You don't happen to know any other delivery services around here, do you?" he asked.

"None that come this cheap and reliable," she said. "And none near here. What's up?"

Jaune didn't answer immediately. "Could I pretty please beg a favor?" he asked shakily.

"You already are," Yang pointed out, but didn't say no.

"Could you please go in there and send these gifts without me?" Jaune asked, taking out a slip of paper with the intended shipping address. "Pretty please? I'll, uh, watch my team's gifts out here. Not in there," he said, still staring at the bike.

It was a pretty craven thing to ask, but Jaune was still staring at the bike in obvious horror.

"What, you owe 'em money?" Yang asked, eyebrow raised.

"Something like that," Jaune said. "Please Yang? I'll get you something nice- another something nice," he offered.

Greed won over contempt, and Yang snagged the shipping address. "And I thought Blake was the scaredy cat about things she didn't want to talk about," she remarked, but Jaune was too busy thanking her. "I'll be back," she said.

"Er, I'll be over there," Jaune said, pointing further down the road and out of sight.

Shaking her head, Yang took the packages for Jaune's family and walked into the delivery service. Though the packages towered higher than her head, she managed to open the door by backing into it. The door opened with the ring of a bell, and she was inside.

And promptly dropped the packages when she stumbled into someone.

"Crap!" Yang swore as her tower tumbled to the ground. She caught what she could, but-

"Oh, sorry," came the masculine apology, and blond hair that wasn't hers came into her line of sight and picked packages off the ground.

He- it was most _definitely_ a man- had spikey blond hair on top of a lean build. His face had a sort of toughness that came from experience- older than Yang usually liked- but he had a wonderful set of blue eyes.

'Me likey,' Yang appreciated, even as he bent over to pick one up. 'Me likely a lot.'

"Sorry about your package," the man politely apologized, handing back one in particular that had been torn. It was the one with the flower- though it looked like the flower might have been spared if the box was just crumpled.

"Nah, my bad," Yang would have waved off, were it not for what was in her hands. "Should have looked where I was going, except-" she shrugged. Can't ask the impossible with so many boxes.

"You a customer?" he asked, picking up another bag as Yang dropped her baggage on the counter.

"You the owner?" Yang asked in return.

"Just the deliveryman," he said. "You caught me leaving."

"Good!" Yang said, pleased. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to lug this back to Beacon. Maybe you can take this stuff with you," she hoped. "You going outside the wall?" she asked, referring to the Kingdom's formidable defenses even as she offered Jaune's address slip.

"No," the delivery man said, though he took the slip anyway. "I'm looking around Vale for-" his denial paused when he saw the address. "Edge?" he said, reading it carefully. "Not many people live out there," he said, looking at her.

Yang shrugged- though she made sure to do so in a way that accentuated her figure. "I've got a friend," she claimed.

"And your… friend," the blond deliveryman said. "Is he expecting to be there to receive all this?"

"I never said it was a he," Yang said charmingly- and perfectly honest, which helped with the lie.

Blondie gave her another look- but visibly decided not to follow through. "I won't be going back there today, but I can take these the next time I go back," he promised.

"Great to hear!" Yang chirped, giving no sign or any hint of any sort of relief. "How much will it be?" she asked.

"I'll give you a free package for the one of yours I damaged," he said. "Let me just see-" he trailed off, pulling the contents of the damaged package. The single white flower.

His hands started shaking.

"Where did you get this?" he asked, voice deceptively calm.

"A pretty flower girl in the park," Yang answered honestly.

"That- I mean, who gave this to you?" the delivery man asked.

"Does it matter?" Yang asked. "I can give you my name and number for a return address if you want," she offered, winking.

"No thanks," the deliveryman said. "I'd rather have your friend's."

"No, you wouldn't," Yang insisted, moving closer into the man's personal space. "Trust me- just hideous in a dress. Besides," Yang said, putting a finger to his chest and circling it. "I'd rather not talk about anyone else right now. Why don't we talk about us?" she suggested, leaning closer.

He got closer in return- and shoved her back. Yang found herself checked into the wall behind her with her arm trapped above her head.

"Miss," the blond man warned, "I think you know someone I'm looking for. Please tell me where to find him."

"Ooh, feisty," she said playfully, giving no hint of fear. Despite the position- or perhaps because of it- she couldn't help but appreciate the strong, toned muscles on her captor. "But I normally don't like pushy guys."

"Then I'll be happy to stop," he returned, "as soon as you tell me where he is." His hand tightened- hard enough that her aura automatically rose to protect her. That grip could have hurt.

"Do you really have to be so rough?" Yang flirted once more, even as she prepared a fist with her free hand. "I'm sure we could… work things out between us. Wouldn't you rather be friends?" she asked, arcing her chest seductively.

The blond man looked down… and laughed in her face. "First, not interested," he said. "Happily taken. And second… I've seen better. Married better," he claimed. "I've _cross-dressed_ better. So why don't you give up and tell me-"

Yang answered him with a head-butt. He let go as he staggered back, clutching his nose- a follow up punch sent him tumbling through the boxes on the counter.

"And _that's_ for claiming you could do better!" Yang shouted, before racing out the door.

/

She'd just started Bumblebee before he burst out of the store, and pulled away before he could grab for her. She tcched as she saw him run for the other black bike, wishing she'd had time to blast the tires.

She raced down the road towards where Jaune was, only to see him emerge from his hiding spot- no doubt hearing the screeching tires. She tcched again- if he'd he'd stayed hidden, she could have tried to draw off cutey-mcjerk. But then, that wouldn't have been like Jaune- weakling or not, he didn't stay out of trouble if his friends were in it. Instead, she saw Jaune's eyes widen as he saw who was behind her- and presumably was seen in return.

Yang leaned bumblebee closer towards Jaune, and nearly clotheslined the frightened boy as she drove by. An awkward moment of handling later, and he was on Bumblebee behind her.

"Hold on!" she shouted behind her, reving the engine more.

"Where?" Jaune yelped.

 _("I've seen better. Married better.")_

Ooh, that prick- she'd show him-

"Anywhere!" Yang answered. "Just don't vomit!"

She gave another rev of the engine, and heard another behind them. A quick glance told her that the black bike was behind her. The man was shouting.

"He sounds mad!" Yang said, even if she couldn't understand the words.

"What did you do?" Jaune asked.

"What did I do?" Yang asked. "What makes you think I-?" she protested.

Jaune gave her a look so hard she could feel it even before she turned and saw it.

"I might have punched him in the face," Yang admitted.

Jaune went pale, and not from the tight turn Yang was leaning into.

"You punched my Dad?" he asked.

Yang almost spun out then and there.

"Your dad?!" she exclaimed, paling herself. "Then that means I- with Jaune's- ew ew ew!" she spat, regretting that she'd ever thought he was hot.

"You what?" Jaune asked. "What did you do?" he demanded. "What did you do?!"

"Never mind that!" Yang shouted back, dodging and weaving between traffic. "What did you do? I thought you owed him money!"

"I do! I stole my allowance for the year when I left!" Jaune admitted.

"That's-" Yang began, but shook her head. "Never mind," she decided.

"Jaune!" there was the faint shout behind them.

"Why are we running away anyway?" Yang asked. "Didn't you want to make up?"

"Yeah! But not be dragged back home!" Jaune exclaimed. "I'll be grounded for life!"

Yang considered what her father would do, and conceded the point. "How much longer do you think until he gives up chasing?" Yang asked.

"He doesn't give up easily," Jaune said as he chanced a look back- no doubt avoiding any meeting of the eyes- and then shoved Yang down and to the right. "Watch out!" he shouted before she could protest.

That shove- or at least the movement to rebalance- was what saved them as a massive blade impacted where bumblebee's rear tire would have been. Sparks flew on the edge of a blade that certainly would have cut through the rear tire with ease.

"How'd he get so close?" Yang wondered looking back. "That shouldn't be- oh, that is so fucking cheating!" she swore.

Their pursuer was still behind them, but the massive two-handed sword he held with just one was easily another motorcycle length in and of itself. "How is he holding it like that?" Yang demanded.

"He used to be a soldier before he was a hunter!" Jaune answered. "Now hurry up! He's catching up again!"

"How come he gets a weapon and we don't?" Yang complained, even as she leaned forward. It was the start of a game of tag- in which angry father was it, and was tagging with his mighty sword. Dodging traffic helped, but at the same time-

"We got to get out of here!" Jaune said, as worried about civilians as she was.

"Already on it," Yang said, even as she jumped lanes into an exit ramp downward, towards a lower lane. She was getting sick and tired of the mismatch. Jaune's father had given up trying to shout at them, and seemed to be settling for trying to hit them. At least he was using the flat of his blade.

"Jaune! Can you call our weapon lockers?" Yang asked as an idea came to her. There was a construction site way down aways…

"On it!" Jaune agreed, pulling out his scroll.

His attempts were thwarted, however, when their pursuer slammed down beside them, having fallen from _above._ Did he skip the ramp and jump…?

His fall was accompanied by the fall of his blade- still sharp end up and away from them, but in-between them now that Jaune had leaned back to use his scroll. Jaune gave a yelp, and a frantic grab at Yang's waist as the flat of the sword broke his previous grip.

Jaune's father began to slow- and as he did, the sword began to act as a laver. Either Yang slowed down with him, or Jaune would be pried off- either falling to the pavement, or held by the blade like butter balanced on a knife.

"Why don't you two slow down now?" Jaune's father coolly suggested from beside them.

Yang cursed, but did as he said- wanting to fight, but not seeing how. "Hold on, Jaune," she muttered, slowing. Jaune's father kept the blade even, and gradually slowed with her.

Jaune sighed, and despite the blade leaned forward against her back, forehead touching on her head. "Sorry," he apologized. "For getting you involved in my mess," he said, almost a whisper.

"Not your fault," Yang said. "I got myself involved."

"Still not reason you should get in trouble with me," Jaune denied, before hesitating. "Tell everyone at school I'm sorry if this doesn't work?" he asked.

"Jaune?" Yang asked, not liking the tone.

Jaune let go of her, and leaned back off the bike.

"Jaune!" That wasn't just her- that was Jaune's father as well, fear (or horror?) evident as Jaune fell. They'd slowed down, true, but they were still going at a pretty significant pace- a pace that would seriously hurt a normal person. Jaune bounced, and tumbled, and there was the sound of a tearing of cloth as he slid and came to an ominous stop.

Yang tore into skidding stop. Jaune's father did one better- he actually jumped from his motorcycle, sending it tumbling end over end. Yang had to duck as it bounced over her- and over the edge of the road. In mid-air, Jaune's father took that same massive sword from earlier- one he'd jumped with ease holding- and used it as a jumping point. The physics in Remnant followed- Jaune's father sped towards Jaune, while the blade tumbled far away.

Jaune's father landed beside him, sliding to Jaune and flipping him over. Wide blue eyes expected to see the worst- but didn't. Torn jeans, black asphalt streaks, but no blood. And barely a bruise, which was already healing.

"You have aura," Jaune's father realized. Jaune hadn't skidded- he'd practically skipped on an aura cushion.

Jaune's own blue eyes snapped open. "Sorry, Dad," he apologized, before drawing his knees in and shoving his father away with a two-legged kick.

His father was still stumbling backwards even as Jaune jumped to his feet and raced towards Yang. Bumblebee was already roaring, and intercepted him. This time the impact really was a clothesline- a deliberately rough impact- but the same effect as Jaune was dragged aboard… though this time dragged him infront of her, practically on her lap.

"I can't believe that worked," Jaune admitted as they raced past his father, who was back on his feet but short a bike.

"I can't believe that you were that stupid," Yang countered, angry… before laughing as adrenaline of a different sort settled in her. "But yeah, I can't believe that worked. Or that you had it in you," Yang admitted, impressed.

Jaune shrugged, looking up at her from his position of being in her lap perpendicular to the bike. It was more awkward than embarassing. "Eh- either he lost his bike, or he wouldn't chase you. Either way, I win."

Yang took a hand off the controls to bop him, and not gently. He yelped. "Next time you give me a scare, wear a helmet," she chided. "You'll set a bad example for Ruby."

"Yeah, probably," he laughed, adrenaline fading.

"Come on. Let's get you up before you headbutt a car or something," Yang said.

Jaune laughed at her chiding, and they maneuvered him upright and sitting on bumblebee. This time he sat infront of Yang, with her leaning into his back, rather than behind her. Partly because of how he'd been dragged aboard… and perhaps partly so she could better secure him as she grabbed the handles around him.

Jaune didn't ask, just leaned forward and rested his hands on the controls as well, and let a silence fall as they raced away, and towards the airshuttle park to get back to Beacon.

"Well, at least they know you're alive," Yang eventually said, looking at the bright side.

"Yeah," Jaune said. "And at least it wasn't my mom."

"She have an even bigger sword?" Yang asked, bemused.

"She would have thrown cars at us," Jaune said.

Yang laughed, but Jaune wasn't joking.

"You're not joking," Yang realized.

Jaune sighed. "Well, guess I'm not going into Vale again any time soon," he said. "She'll be hunting now that they know I'm somewhere around here."

Something tugged at the corner of Yang's mind, but she couldn't think of what. She tried to remember.

 _("I've seen better. Married better.")_

She scowled at the memory, though Jaune couldn't see it… but then a thought occurred to her. Revenge by proxy, perhaps?

"Well, just sit back and enjoy it while you can, Jaune" Yang suggested, leaning forward a bit harder as she took a firmer grip of the handles on the far side of her passenger.

"It'll be the best you'll ever have."

"Motorcycle ride?"

"Sure. Let's go with that."

/

Well, well behind them, Jaune's father picked himself up and dusted himself off even as he caught one last glimpse of them riding away. A frown was on his face… but a weight was off his chest all the same.

Walking over towards his fallen bike, he ignored the skid-marks (noting now that there hadn't been a hint of blood) and picked up his fallen buster sword, before going over to the lip of the road his bike had fallen over. Jumping down a level, he landed beside it and righted the sturdy Fenris- which was scratched and scarred, but still as capable as always.

"Don't say I didn't try to make this easy on you, Jaune," he muttered as he punched buttons and pulled out a scroll. "If you thought I was bad, wait till your mother hears about this," he muttered, as he waited for the other end to pick up.

"Hey Dear," the former SOLDIER greeted with a ghost of a smile at the sound of the pickup. "Guess who I ran across on my deliveries?"

/

/

* * *

/

Author Note:

Yup. It's a crossover.

'Meet the Parents' is the lead-in to a future project of sorts- 'Meet the Family'- which is really just a series of one-shot crossovers of 'Jaune is related to various blond haired, blue eyed heroes.' No plot- just one shots of relevant characters. But Meet the Parents is special- and anyone who watches ScrewAttack's Death Battle series on youtube can probably guess why.

Otherwise- this is a case of me trying to write an action sequence, something I've been trying to get more practice in. Dialogue with Mom in the next part.


	3. Meet the Mother

Meet the Parents

/

 _Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended._

/

* * *

/

Meet the Mother

/

* * *

/

"Are you really chickening out of this over a little Bullhead ride?"

She was a woman with long black hair tied into a ponytail, looking at a familiar spikey-haired blonde with a bemused eyebrow. At least he had the decency to look a bit embarrassed.

"Come on, motion sickness is a more common problem than people admit," he protested. "And besides- you know I've always been bad with airships!"

"Remind me why I love you again?" the black-haired woman- the very well-endowed black haired woman with dark-red eyes bordering on brown- asked in a teasing tone.

"Because we had great adventures together? Because I've fathered enough children for you to know that my sword isn't 'compensating' for something? Because I found Jaune?" he listed.

"Hmm… I'll accept that last one," she said, focusing on the distant Beacon Academy. Despite her easy tone, a gloved hand curled into a tense fist.

An uncommon thing happened when she felt arms wrap around her from behind. It wasn't like him to initiate affection.

"Jaune's alive. He's fine," he said reassuringly. "You don't have to worry."

"He's not home," she snapped back, though the anger wasn't at him. "It's my job as a mother to worry."

He didn't- couldn't- say anything to that. "Just… go easy on him," he said instead. "I think he's as afraid of us as we were for him," he said.

"I doubt that," she grumbled, but then she hadn't been there for the chase. Hadn't seen a son so desperate to run away that he threw himself into a highway.

"He was sending us gifts. He doesn't hate us," her husband reminded. "But he might think we do."

"Fine," she sighed. "I'm still going to drag him back if I have to, and I'll knock anyone who gets in my way to 7th Heaven. But I'll play nice. Happy?" she asked.

He gave another squeeze. "Very," he answered, and there was a little pause.

"Feel free to give him a hard time, though," he encouraged conspiratorially. "Embarrass him in front of his friends a little."

"Oh, _hell_ yeah."

/

"Well, sounds like you two had a fun time," Blake eventually said after Yang and Jaune finished regaling their adventure from the previous day.

"Aw, I can't believe I missed out on a chase sequence," Nora pouted. "I could have been like 'Bam!', then 'Pow!', and 'You'll never take me alive, copper!'" she cried, before shooting off machine gun sounds for good measure.

"I hope it wasn't as serious as that," Pyrrha said, though she too had given Jaune a disapproving glance when his gambit had been described. Yang had peppered that part with a number of appropriate (and pejorative) adjectives.

"Are you sure you did the right thing in running away?" Ren asked Jaune. "You'll have to face them eventually- it might be better to do so on your own terms, sooner rather than later."

Jaune sighed. "Yeah, I know," he conceded to Ren. "It just… wasn't a good time. And definitely wasn't on my terms." He sighed again.

"So… what are your parents like?" Ruby asked Jaune to fill the lull that followed.

"Oh, they're great," Jaune said, cheering up at the topic. "They're retired, but they used to be heroes. Dad was in the military or something before he got out, and Mom was trained by one of those rural martial arts masters."

"Oh?" Yang perked up, interested at the mention of a fighter.

"How'd they meet?" Ruby wanted to know.

"Oh, they grew up together," Jaune answered. "Dad went to join the military, came back right before the town was overrun by monsters, saved Mom…" he trailed off. "You know. The usual."

Weiss did not snort, because that would be undignified.

"Sounds like quite the tale," Blake said, wishing she could read it.

"So what was his dad like, Yang?" Nora asked the blonde brawler.

"Was he like Jaune?" Pyrrha wanted to fantasize.

Yang laughed. "Nah, he was a total badass," she denied, to Jaune's deflation. "Swung around a massive two-hander with just one hand, while driving. Kinda cute, though- in a lanky, pretty-boy sort of way. He had those arms… and those eyes… and that ass…" she salivated. Pyrrha's cheeks reddened more the usual, and a trickle of blood suggested her own active imagination.

"Can you please not perv on my Dad infront of me?" Jaune pleaded uncomfortably.

"Can you please not perv on any Arcs at all?" Weiss contributed. The less thoughts she had to spare on that subject, the better.

"Oh. Sorry about that," Yang apologized, wiping away those thoughts. "But yeah- except for the eyes, and maybe the hair color… not much resemblance. Totally had the calm and maturity thing going on despite his anger, while Jaune here was freaking out."

"Oh come on, I wasn't that bad!" Jaune protested. "And we're not that different," he claimed.

"Really?" Ruby questioned innocently. "What do you have in common?"

"We, uh…" Jaune stumbled. "We both get motion sickness!" he said.

"Bull," Yang began to reject. "He didn't throw up once during that chase! You- didn't either, come to think of it," she conceded, remembering.

"It's worse with airships," Jaune claimed. "My uncle used to take us on flights just to see Dad and me hurl."

"So you both share that charming deformity," Weiss said scathingly. "What else?" she challenged.

"He taught me to be as honest as he was?" Jaune guessed.

" _Good_ similarities," Weiss clarified.

Jaune frowned a bit, and struggled for something else. "…Mom loves us?" he came up with. "That's gotta be worth something."

Weiss sighed, but Ren voiced his curiosity.

"You've mentioned your father, but rarely your mother," Ren pointed out. "Do you two not get along?" he asked, casting a chill on the conversation as his friends looked towards Jaune with concern.

"No no no," Jaune waved his hands in immediate denial. "Mom and I get along great! Or at least we did before I left- but she's still great! Wouldn't want any other!" Jaune praised without reservation. "Awesome! Amazing! Best in the world!"

The tension left the group as smiles rose, and Yang even chuckled at his enthusiasm. "What's she like?" Ruby asked, encouraging him on.

"I don't know where to start," Jaune said, clearly into the topic. "She was the one who raised us all when Dad was away on jobs, but she was always smiling for us," he said.

Ruby smiled, pleased, and Yang echoed it.

"She was tireless. She had to help bring in money too, but she always played with us afterwards. Always laughter."

Nora clapped in appreciation, and Yang chuckled as well as she pulled Ruby into a noogie-hug at Ruby's own interest.

"She's strong- really strong," Jaune continued. "Once, when there was a bar fight when she was working, she knocked out seven guys with one punch and went right back to work," he recalled.

"One punch each?" Ren asked, seeking clarity.

Jaune shook his head. "One punch total," he claimed, and Yang whistled in appreciation even as she took a look at her own arm and flexed a bicep.

"Sounds like you really admire her," Pyrrha said with a smile.

Jaune nodded. "As much as Dad," he admitted. "And she's not just strong- she's really pretty," he said.

"How so?" Yang asked, remembering something from the previous day.

"Well, she's got beautiful hair," Jaune said. "Really long-" three girls noted how far down their backs their own hair went, "-and tied in a ponytail."

Silently, Pyrrha rejoiced. Across from her, Weiss considered the merits of a bob-cut.

"And she's got these eyes," Jaune continued, though he stumbled a bit here. "They're… I can never decide what color they are," he admitted. "But they're really good at expressing her mood."

Blake considered, and looked over at her partner… who was positively preening, and had been at almost every stage.

"Are you talking about your mother, or Yang?" Blake asked, giving Yang an elbow in the side for good measure. A few of the friends laughed, but Jaune looked confused.

"My Mom," he said. "She gives the best hugs."

"Aw, why's that?" Yang asked, throwing an arm around Jaune and pulling him closer than necessary- much closer than appropriate. "What's she got that I don't?" Yang asked, pulling a bit more into her chest… and wrapping the looping arm under his throat.

Jaune felt blood rush from his head as he tried to figure out the acceptable answer. Or at least one that wouldn't get him strangled, or pulled deeper into her bosom, or both.

"Uh… love?" he tried, and Yang loosened her hold. "Her hugs are filled with love?" he repeated, blood rushing back to his head.

"Aw, honey, that's so sweet!" a new voice interjected, and arms wrapped around Jaune from behind and pulled him back, and out of Yang's ensnarement.

"M-M-Mom?" Jaune exclaimed, recognizing this sort of hug- and the feeling of the chest he was dragged into- anywhere.

"Mom?" the rest of the group echoed, taking in the person who had snuck up during their distraction.

She wasn't alone- Glynda Goodwitch stood beside her, sighing as she fixed her glasses- but their attention was on the black-haired woman who was giving Jaune a bear-hug that exceeded Yang's in strength and... depth.

"What are you- how long have you been standing there?" Jaune asked, reddening as she rubbed his head with obvious affection.

"Since you were talking about your father," she admitted. "But then you were saying such _nice_ things about me, and I didn't want to interrupt," she teased, rubbing his head again despite his protests.

"You're Jaune's Mom?" Ruby asked, staring in awe at the woman- most empathetically a woman- before her. Yang suppressed a frown.

"Indeed I am," Jaune's Mom said, looking at them. "Jaune calls me Mom, but you can call me Tifa."

/

Ms. Goodwitch was apparently there to escort Tifa to Jaune… and escort the two of them somewhere more private than a public dining room. Naturally, the teams followed suit- some out of curiosity, some to support Jaune, and Weiss because she didn't want to be left behind alone.

Despite the warm feelings, a cool had fallen between Jaune and Tifa as they'd walked- Tifa asking small questions, Jaune giving smaller answers and letting silence fall. It's wasn't animosity- just awkwardness. Jaune would sneak a glance at his mother. She'd catch it. He'd look back and go back to not saying anything until she's ask a different motherly question. Repeat cycle.

The friends followed, but quietly- and when Tifa and Jaune entered a conference room, Glenda stepped infront of them all.

"I am not entirely unaware of circumstances between these two," Ms. Goodwitch said. "Mrs. Lockheart-"

"Lockheart?" one of them asked.

Glynda grimaced. " _Tifa_ ," she said instead, grimacing at the informality, "is here so that the two of them can resolve their… issue," she tactfully dodged.

"Cool. We'll help," Yang said, making to move past Ms. Goodwitch. A riding crop stopped her.

"The point of bringing them somewhere private was _privacy_ ," Ms. Goodwitch hinted pointedly.

Ruby looked uncomfortable, torn between respecting privacy and, well-

"You really think _that_ ," Yang said, throwing a thumb in the direction of the room, "is going to resolve anything any time soon?"

 _That_ was the palpable aura of awkwardness between mother and son. Jaune was going between looking at the floor, and shooting desperate glances at his friends. Tifa was looking at Jaune, but uncertain of how to start given his obvious reluctance.

Yang had already ducked beneath the riding crop before Glynda sighed it and ceased her obstruction. "Just know that she is here with Headmaster Ozpin's full approval," the deputy-headmistress sighed. "And do try not to do anything rash or reckless."

The teams filtered in and took seats around the table- and Jaune shot them all a grateful look of relief. Tifa may have been less happy about it- but Jaune's obvious relief tempered it.

Tifa sighed. "Alright, introductions first, I guess," she said.

"We're Jaune's team," Pyrrha started, introducing the rest of JNPR.

"We're Jaune's friends," Ruby said, starting with her own.

"I'm Weiss Schnee," Weiss introduced herself. "Not his team, not his friend," she distinguished.

"I know who you are," Tifa said, more than a little coolly. "What did I always tell you about corporate girls, Jaune?" she prompted, like an old lesson.

"To stay away and not to believe anything they say, because they probably mean the opposite," Jaune recited.

"Hey!" Weiss exclaimed, torn between being offended and wishing he'd follow that advice better. Then a thought occurred to her. If he followed it by not believing her when she said she wasn't interested… damn! She didn't think she could fake reverse psychology either.

Tifa continued on. "You know me already," she guessed. "I'm Tifa. Born Tifa Lockheart. Jaune's mother."

"Not Arc?" Ruby asked, moving past the offense given to her teammate.

Tifa shook her head. "Arc is… it's not a fake name, per see, but it's not my real one. It's a distant relative's. Jaune's used it all his life, but most people who know me know my old one."

"Why keep a secret?" Ren asked. "If you don't mind me asking," he added.

Tifa scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "It's not a secret, so much as…" she tried to find a good way to put it. "We used to be terrorists," she admitted, finding no better way to put it.

That didn't send any jaws down. Not at all.

"Not really," Tifa said, hands up placating. "You all might be a bit too young, but have you ever heard of Shinra?"

Two of them had. "Shinra," Blake spat. "Exploiters so cruel, being taken over by SDC was an improvement. They didn't just exploit their workers- they did illegal dust experimentation on anyone they could get away with."

"They were one of the first major dust companies," Weiss recalled. "Infamous for pioneering not just dust extraction technology, but adapting it for their own military force. They were as strong as the Kingdoms at one point, almost their own- but they were shut down after some sort of illegal biological experiments went out of control."

"Yeah, that was us," Tifa claimed. "We were part of a resistance group, we won, and we were given full pardons by the Vale Council afterwards. So we're legal- it's just not something you want to advertise, you know?"

"Completely," Blake said dryly.

"So when Jaune came along, rather than saddle him with that baggage we gave him a name that wouldn't turn up on a scroll search. Nothing we told him was a lie, per see, but-"

Jaune stayed silent. Tifa looked at him, and sighed. "That's a bad habit you get from your father," she accused with exasperated love. "Clamming up like that. At least you didn't inherit his public broodiness."

"I angst alone, Mom."

"Sure you do, sweetie," Tifa said- but with a smile. That joke helped break the ice between them, and Jaune was looking at her, and she could finally ask what had been on her mind for so long.

"Why, Jaune?" she asked. "Why did you run away?"

"I wanted to become better, Mom," he said.

"You're already more than good enough," she replied. "For you father. And your sisters. And me."

"Not just good enough for my family- better for the world!" Jaune protested. "I know I'm not a bad person- I want to help people- but I can't call myself a good person if I don't do good things. But I'm _weak_. I wanted to do more. And to do that I needed to be stronger. Like you and dad."

"No. You don't," Tifa said with absolute certainty. "Not like me. And definitely not like your father- he'd have a fit if he heard you say that."

"I know," Jaune said, looking down and away once more. "That's why I never did."

"That's-" Tifa sighed. "Sweetie, we're strong because of what we experienced. But what we went through- the world doesn't want that sort of strength. It should never _need_ that sort of strength. We'd never inflict that on you."

There was no response, because Jaune had fallen silent once more, and the uncomfortable silence from earlier returned. The Teams were silent- even though they'd intruded on this, most of them were too polite to try and butt in on a family affair.

Most of them.

"I don't get it," Yang spoke up, leaning back in her chair as she stared at the ceiling, hands behind her head and feet irreverently on the table. "If you didn't want him strong that way, why not make him strong yourself? Why didn't you train him?" Yang asked.

Tifa gave a swift glare at the interruption. "Did I say you could ask questions like that?" she asked.

"No," Yang admitted without turning to look at her. "But I bet Jaune wanted to," she said, pointing towards Jaune before he could look at the ground once more.

Tifa grimaced. "He shouldn't have needed to be trained. He could have lived a good life- a safe life- without it."

"So you didn't, and hoped he'd be smart enough to go along with what you wanted. That worked out well," Yang said still looking at the ceiling in apparent boredom, earning a few surprised looks from her friends at her tone.

Tifa glared. "I don't need to justify myself to you. Until you raise kids, I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Ruby sucked in her breath, but Yang kept looking at the ceiling- though her eyes narrowed somewhat.

Tifa turned towards them. "I assume you all know how Jaune came to Beacon?" she asked.

"Jaune told us," Pyrrha spoke on behalf of her team in the awkward silence that followed.

"Quite," Tifa said with a frown. "And did any of you raise that to the teachers?" she asked.

There was another awkward shuffling, but no coughing this time.

"Why?" Tifa asked. "You must have noticed he wasn't trained. That he wasn't ready. So why?"

There was a guilty quiet as many of them looked down.

"Because he wanted to be a Hunter," Ruby spoke up softly, before looking up. "And he came here to learn how. Why _not_ go to a school for heroes?"

"He could have gotten hurt," Tifa challenged. "He could have died."

"We all can," Ruby returned. "And we're all prepared for that when we came here."

Jaune's mother didn't like that. " _You_ may come from a family that doesn't care if you disappear or die," she began.

Yang's heel raised and slammed down, a sitting axe kick that broke the table. She was definitely looking at Tifa now.

"You know, I was trying to be nice for Jaune, but now I _know_ you don't know what you're talking about," Yang said, eyes blazing.

"And what do you know?" Tifa demanded. "You're not a mother."

"No, I'm not," Yang said. "But I have helped raise a child- and I know she has family who'd care if something bad happened. Me," Yang stated, a thumb at her chest.

"Yang," Ruby cautioned, not want to be the cause of a fight like this.

"You'd let and leave your own family in danger?" Tifa asked. "You won't always be there to protect her."

"I'd make my family strong enough to face danger _because_ I won't always be there," Yang claimed. "Because I have faith in them- and you don't," she accused.

"Yang, that's enough," Jaune protested.

"I don't think it's enough at all," Yang countered hotly. "You could have gotten in honestly if she'd bothered to train you."

"Even so, don't blame her for that," Jaune insisted.

"And why are you arguing? You know I'm right- you left!"

"Because that's my Mom you're talking about!" Jaune began to rise.

But Tifa raised a hand. "It's fine Jaune. She has a point. I can't keep you safe if you're just going to run into trouble," she admitted. "I don't like it- but I can recognize it."

There was a collective sigh of relief from the audience, and surprise from Jaune.

"You mean- you'll let me be a Hunter?" he asked, hardly able to believe.

"I'll let you get training," Tifa said. "What you do with that afterwards is up to you." She sighed. "If I'd known you would run away, though, I would have trained you myself."

She was surprised when Jaune suddenly embraced her, but wasn't alone when she smiled. "I'll explain it to your Father," she promised. "How much time will you need?" she asked.

"Need?" Jaune asked, stepping back in confusion.

Tifa blinked as well. "To pack your stuff," she said, as if it shouldn't need explaining. "We can start your training program as soon as we return home."

"Home?" Jaune echoed. "Not Beacon?"

"I'm not selling the house and moving the girls into a dormitory, if that's what you're asking," Tifa said. "I'll just take a moment to talk with the Headmaster get you dropped from Beacon."

"You- you can't do that!" Ruby exclaimed, shocked.

Tifa raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yes, I can. I _am_ his mother, after all."

"But Beacon is renowned as the best school for Huntsmen," Blake pointed out. "Why wouldn't you want the best training for Jaune?"

"I've fought with the best trained soldiers around- and against the very best- and I didn't go to a school. I was trained by a Master- I _am_ a Master, even if I retired- and Jaune can have the same."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but I must protest," Pyrrha said- always polite, but still risking that bad impression with potential mother-in-law. "Jaune has a place here with us. In Beacon. With his team." She didn't say with his partner- but then, Ren and Nora wouldn't have echoed that as they did the rest.

"Who are you, again?" Tifa asked.

"Mom, that's Pyrrha," Jaune reminded. "My partner."

"It's alright, Jaune," Pyrrha said, standing to speak for herself. "I am Pyrrha Nikos. I graduated first of my class from Sanctum, and am the Four-Time Mistral regional Champion."

"Aren't you that girl on the cereal box?" Tifa asked.

"That too," Pyrrha admitted, flushing a bit. "But my point is- I am, with no false modesty, among the best. And I've been training Jaune on his technique. If you have any doubts about my quality, I will happily demonstrate."

Tifa stared at her- really evaluated her, from top to bottom- and Pyrrha stood without flinching. And perhaps with her shoulders a bit further back than necessary when Tifa's eyes went darted between Pyrrha and Jaune and back again, eyebrow raised. Oh yeah, she might have said. I can definitely take care of your baby.

Tifa wasn't impressed. "You look like a pushover to me," she said frankly.

"Mom!" Jaune objected.

"Sweetie, trust me- strength alone isn't enough. You need a girl who'll not only stand up for you, but stand up to you when you need help."

"Pyrrha has been plenty helpful!" Jaune protested, and Pyrrha cheered a bit. "She's been a good friend and partner!"

"Right," Tifa said, evaluating Pyrrha once more. "Partner. That's what I was talking about." She gave a shrug- that just so happened to roll her far more substantial chest.

Pyrrha wilted a little, from more than one sort of inadequacy. There went that good first impression.

"Regardless," Ren said, trying his hand, "Jaune has improved greatly since coming to Beacon- as a person and a leader. I do not believe he would get that experience if he went home."

"Yeah!" Nora encouraged. "He's even good against bullies now!"

There might as well have been a slap.

"You're being bullied?" Tifa demanded of Jaune.

"No! Well- not anymore," Jaune denied. "It's fine now."

"Which means it wasn't fine before," Tifa reasoned. "Which one of you stepped in and stopped it?" she asked, looking at all of them in turn. No one exactly jumped to claim responsibility. She gave Pyrrha the hardest look- but Pyrrha flushed in shame and looked away, and Tifa gave a dismissive sniff.

"Well if I had doubts before about who to leave my son with, that settles it," Tifa said.

"Mom, no!" Jaune protested. "They're my friends."

"They're your team," Tifa corrected. "And apparently not enough of one to step in when one of their own was being harassed. Come on, Jaune- we're leaving," Tifa ordered, and began to physically drag him away.

Another hand grabbed his other wrist, and pulled back.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Yang cussed, exasperated. "Is it really that hard to believe Vomit Boy solved it himself?" she asked.

Tifa froze, and turned. "Say that again?"

"Vomit Boy. Solved it. Himself," Yang repeated. "We didn't fight his battles for him, because he didn't want us to. And he didn't need us to," she added.

Hearing that didn't make Tifa any happier. "What did you call my son?" she demanded.

Someone hissed. Yang just blinked. "Vomit Boy," she repeated, not seeing the big deal. "He vomits. He's a boy. Vomit Boy."

Somewhere to the side, someone- possibly Weiss- facepalmed.

"I thought you said you weren't being bullied anymore," Tifa demanded of Jaune.

"I'm not! That's just, you know, teasing!" Jaune protested. "Yang's a friend," he assured.

"Just like the rest of them?"

"No- well, yes!" Jaune said.

"Sweetie, bullies don't stop being bullies because they claim they're your friend," Tifa advised. "It's not fine just because you put up with it. And it's definitely not fine if your 'friends' stand by and allow it," she said, shooting a glare at the bystanders. "You'll thank me when you're older."

"No, I won't! I want to stay with them!" Jaune said.

"It's for your own good, Jaune," Tifa said. "Now come on," she said, giving a strong pull.

An equally strong pull kept Jaune in place. "Didn't anyone ever tell you 'No means no,' lady?" Yang asked, having not released her own grip on Jaune's wrist.

"Let go of my son," Tifa warned.

"Make me," Yang challenged.

It was a lightning kick- almost faster than the eye could follow- but Yang had her arm already to guard her head as she rolled to the side. The kick, as fast as it began, stopped just as quick- before it could crash into Jaune, who was between the two.

"Remove your hand from my son, or I will remove it from you," Tifa warned.

"You first, lady," Yang defied. "Somehow I don't think you can take me one handed."

Tifa didn't let go, but didn't attack either. "Why are you interfering?" she asked Yang.

"He's a guy who I said I'd help," Yang answered. Picking gifts, honestly, but the bike chase turned that into a snowball.

"You'd fight a Huntress over just anyone?" Tifa asked, somewhere between incredulous and sincerely impressed.

Yang laughed again. "I fight terrorists for my best friend. I'd fight man-eating monsters for my adorable sister. I even put up with the Schnee for Weiss!" she listed as her impressive feats.

"Hey!"

"So standing up to some lady trying to do a kidnapping infront of me? That's easy," Yang finished.

"That 'kid' _is my son_ ," Tifa reminded.

"And he's my friend," Yang countered.

"And mine!" Ruby said rising.

"And ours," Team JNPR said.

"Close enough," Blake said, standing with Ruby and Yang.

There was a beat as everyone turned to Weiss. "Do you want a hand?" she offered to Tifa.

"No thanks," Tifa refused. "I don't trust corporate girls."

"Probably for the best in this case," Weiss admitted, standing with her friends before getting an elbow in the rib from Ruby for her performance.

"Stop!" Jaune tried to interfere. "Can't we talk this out or something?" he hoped.

"Not unless you say you're coming home," Tifa said.

"He doesn't go home unless he wants to," Yang counter-positioned.

Jaune's position was already clear- torn, physically and emotionally, between them, but wanting to stay.

"So. Seven on one?" Tifa asked, looking at them with a warrior's eye.

"Eight on one," Jaune corrected, pulling as far away as he could. "Sorry, Mom," he apologized.

Tifa closed her eyes. "Sorry, sweetie," she said in return, and let go- right before she slammed her free fist right below his ribs. He crumpled like a tissue, almost earning his nick-name again as he fell to his knees and clutched his stomach.

Tifa took a martial arts stance, and dust-materia glowed as her aura rose. "I may be outnumbered," she acknowledged, "but you are outmatched- especially without your weapons."

Yang took a counter pose, and Ren slid into a fighting stance beside her as they stepped in front of Jaune. "We'll see about that."

"Yes, why don't we?" interrupted an authoritative voice with a wave of her wand. Swirling bits of table separated the two sides before coming together and recomposing the table Yang had broke.

"Glynda!"

"Ms. Goodwitch!"

"Uuuagh," Jaune moaned as he was levitated towards the deputy headmistress.

"I thought I made clear you were _not_ to do anything rash or reckless," she scolded the children. "Challenging a full-fledged Huntress to a fight when she's armed and you are not certainly qualifies."

"Give me Jaune and I'll gladly be on my way, Glynda," Tifa offered, making a grab for Jaune.

Goodwitch turned her wand, and Jaune floated away from Tifa before Glynda turned towards her. "And I believe _you_ promised not to harm school property or any of our students in exchange for our cooperation," she chastised.

"It was more of a threat of what would happen if you didn't," Tifa remembered.

"Perhaps," Glynda agreed, "but the Headmaster agreed… and no matter how he was accepted, Mister Arc is one of our students. I would be well within my rights to call every Hunter in this school down on you and throw you out," she warned.

Tifa didn't look intimidated- though she gave a glance towards Jaune, who was in Glynda's possession. "Then why aren't you?" she asked, knowing the headmistress was leading to a point.

"Because I think it would be more beneficial not to," Headmaster Ozpin said as he walked in. "Tifa," he greeted. "Children," he nodded.

Tifa's position shifted to a more defensive one as Ozpin approached, but the man came to a casual stop out of her range- leaning on his cane, and sipping his coffee. "What say you we settle this matter like civilized people?" he proposed.

"Peacefully? I think it's a bit late for that," Yang said.

"Oh no, not peacefully Miss Xiao Long. Violently," Ozpin clarified. "Very violently. But civilized. I propose a duel for the fate of Mr. Arc," he suggested.

"What's your game, Ozpin?" Tifa demanded, skeptical.

"No game," Ozpin denied. "Just… channeling this conflict in a more productive, and less destructive, direction. The winner will get to choose Mr. Arc's fate here at Beacon. And the loser will obviously not be in a position to object too strenuously."

"Don't I- get a say in this?" Jaune wheezed.

"I had considered making this a two-on-one arrangement, Mr. Arc," Ozpin admitted. "But you seem a bit indisposed at the moment." A not-too-gentle prod with the tip of his cane below the rib, and Jaune groaned in pain.

"Why a battle?" Ruby asked. "You could just make the decision yourself," she said.

"I could," Ozpin admitted. "Can any of you guess why I would rather not?"

"You don't want to be held responsible," Ren suggested. "If you made the choice, the loser would blame you. But if we lose the fight, we'd blame ourselves- or the other party. 'Gratitude is fleeting, but grudges are forever,'" he quoted… someone.

Ozpin raised his mug in a salute. "There is something too that, Lie Ren. I gain nothing from the animosity of either a retired Huntress or my own students. But the truth is much simpler," he said, leaning forward on his cane with a conspiratorial smirk.

Ozpin gestured. "Mrs. Lockheart here is an experienced, accomplished Huntress, true," he said. "In her prime, she could have taken any of you- or all of you- and I would not bet against her. But she is not in her prime- she has been retired for some time, and you are not the same children you were when you came to my school. Any match between you would be closer than you might expect."

"If Mrs. Lockheart wins, I will have lost a below-average student but you will have gained a valuable lesson," he framed. "You will realize just how far you have to go as students- and will, with any maturity, push yourselves to reach there. Mr. Arc will fall to a capable tutor, and I have no doubt that one day all of you will meet again and be impressed with just how far you have all come. Your friendship, while separated, need not be broken," he said. "And that is if you lose."

"If you _win_ ," Ozpin countered, "then you have still learned a valuable lesson- that strength must always be maintained, and that past glories will not earn future victories. If you defeat Mrs. Lockheart, then you will have overcome an accomplished, if retired, Huntress. You will have kept your friend… and proven that Beacon is the best place Mr. Arc could receiving training, and that you can protect your friend better than anyone else," he finished, looking at Tifa.

Tifa glared back. "And your school's reputation will go up if one of your students beats a Huntress," she spat. "Giving you more and better students. Whereas if they lose, it'll have been no surprise and not impact your reputation. I'm sure that doesn't factor in at all."

"Of course not," Ozpin denied, smiling. "In addition, I would like to add that I would never let an insult towards the quality of my faculty or facility motivate a decision like this." He sipped his coffee, smiling.

"Fine," Tifa grudgingly agreed. "Let's get this over with. Who's it going to be?" she asked, looking at the teams.

Most looked towards Pyrrha, who stepped forward. "I'll be more than happy to oblige," she said sweetly. "I assure you, you won't find me to be a pushover," she smiled with a competitive edge.

But a hand on her shoulder pulled her back. "Sorry, Cereal Girl, but I've got this."

Pyrrha looked like she wanted to disagree, but Yang gave Pyrrha a curt nod. The girls exchanged silent understanding before Pyrrha returned the nod and stepped back.

Tifa gave Yang a serious, evaluating look, much as she had Pyrrha earlier. Yang just smirked as Tifa's eyes came up her chest to look her at the face. No dismissive comment from Tifa followed.

"What's your stake in this? This would already be over if you hadn't interfered," Tifa ultimately asked. "You going to tell me you're in love with my son or something?"

There might have been a subtle gasp behind her, but Yang lifted her head back and laughed. "Me? And Jaune?" she gasped. "That's the funniest thing I've heard all day."

Jaune didn't look as offended as Tifa did. Heck, he didn't look offended at all, which was why his mother had to be on his behalf. Like there was any problem with her baby.

"Then why?" Tifa asked, even as she pulled her combat glove snugger over her hand.

Yang did the same as she stepped forward.

"I could say it's because Jaune owes me and I aim to collect," Yang began as she adjusted her first glove.

"I could say it's because Pyrrha would be at a disadvantage since you don't use metal," she continued, fixing the second glove as she kept moving forward.

"I could even say it's because I told Jaune I'd help him get back to his family, but I don't like controlling parents," she said, cracking her knuckles together.

"But really?" she said as she stopped a foot away from Tifa.

The two women stared each other down, chest to chest.

 _("Yang? How do you give a gift that says "I'm sorry," when you're not really sorry?" Jaune asked.)_

 _("Awesome! Amazing! Best in the world!")_

 _("Sounds like you really admire her," Pyrrha said with a smile.)_

 _("Are you talking about your mother, or Yang?")_

 _("I've seen better. Married better.")_

"Truth is, I just want to prove I'm better than you."

Tifa stared back… but rather than an overused glare, gave a challenging smirk.

"Good luck with that," Tifa acknowledged, before turning and walking down the hall where Ozpin and Glynda were leading them to where they would fault. Her hips swayed, oozing her maturity, and Yang soon followed, not to be left behind.

Behind them, the friends watched the overflowing estrogen in shock.

Nora starting squirming, trying to hide the growing excitement. "Ooh ooh ooh, you know what this means, don't you? You know what time it is?" she asked.

"Nora, don't-" Ren began.

"What?" Ruby asked. "What time is it?"

"It's time for a _D_ _eath Battle!_ "

/

* * *

/

Author Note:

As was hinted before, this fic was written in anticipation/to take advantage of the 'Death Battle!' series by Screwattack. Specifically, Yang vs. Tifa- which should be released later today. So go watch it!

Story title was renamed for reasons that will be obvious sooner or later.


	4. Winner: Yang

Meet the Parents

/

 _Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended._

/

* * *

/

Winner: Yang

/

* * *

/

Special Author Note:

This chapter assumes you've watched the "Yang vs. Tifa" episode of Screwattack's "Death Battle" series. If you haven't seen it- I recommend that you do. It's not necessary for understanding, but eh- why write an epic fightscene myself when there's already one animated?

/

* * *

/

"-and that's how I won."

"Bullshit. You didn't even leave Beacon! And she's not dead!"

"Well that's how I _would_ have won, if Ms. Goodwitch hadn't interfered! Come on- I was on fire! In a good way!"

That was what Tifa Lockheart came to- the boasting of her vanquisher. Sterile gray ceiling tiles hovered above her. Turn her head towards the boasting brought a privacy curtain, and the side of her own bed, into view... as well as the presence of a neck brace that restricted her movement. And probably for the best- even that little movement left her bones creaking and groaning in pain.

A warm and gentle hand descended on her head all the same.

"Hey Mom," Jaune said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone took a shotgun to my everything. And then destroyed my bar for good measure. And then broke my neck, which hurts only slightly less than my heart."

Jaune frowned, almost guiltily.

"I'm sorry," he said. "But thanks."

"For losing?" Tifa asked.

"For not hurting Yang too much. I know you were holding back, Mom. At least at the start."

"I've always had a soft spot for the girls who liked you enough to stand up to me, dear," Tifa said, leaning back into the pillow and trying to ignore how her body felt like one giant bruise.

There was a pause between them, in which Jaune said nothing more but made no attempt to leave either. "Don't you want to go talk to your friend?" Tifa asked. "You're staying, after all."

"I'll have time for that later. Let me stay for a little while longer," he asked. "I know I left, but- I missed you, Mom," he admitted.

"I missed you to, sweetie."

"Ugh, could you two get any sappier?" a familiar voice called in mock disgust from the far side of the privacy curtain.

The curtain opened, and Tifa could see her recent opponent- lying in the infirmary bed next to her, looking better than Tifa felt but still with a leg raised in a cast. Her company- including the red-cloaked girl who had opened the privacy curtain- quietly left once they saw that Tifa had woken, giving her and her son some privacy.

Yang had no such delicacy. "You two are so _weird_ ," she claimed, though not harshly. "You get along so well you make me want to be Vomit Girl. Jaune hasn't even left your side since the fight. Why was there even a problem between you?"

"I don't think that will be a problem any longer," a new voice said, as a familiar blonde man came into the room.

"You're Jaune's father," Yang recognized.

The man smiled. "I prefer to go by Cloud, but 'Jaune's Father' works too," he said. "If you don't mind me calling you 'Jaune's friend.'" He turned his attention to Tifa. "How are you feeling?" he asked with concern."

"Even more embarrassed than bruised, which is a lot," she responded. "A schoolgirl beat me. I am definitely training more when we get back."

"What do you mean it won't be a problem, Dad?" Jaune wanted to know, to reaffirm.

"Well, you're staying, for one. That's settled," Cloud pointed out, giving a meaningful look to Tifa, who nodded.

"I can't exactly drag you home now," she admitted.

"A duel is a duel," Yang drawled, making 'duel' sound like 'deal.' "And I aim to collect."

There was a moment's pause as Jaune's family tried to understand that there actually a pun in there. Somewhere.

"She's been working on that," Jaune stage whispered to his parents. Yang raised one special finger in response.

"Maybe by the time she does, I'll have caught back up in my retraining," Tifa vowed. "You might have won this time, but I'm going to be back for Jaune eventually," she warned Yang.

"Try it," Yang challenged. "I'll get stronger faster than you can catch up, you old hag," she taunted.

"Yang," Jaune protested. "She's not a hag!"

"You're not going to argue against 'old', Jaune?" Tifa asked with false honey.

Cloud put a hand on Jaune's shoulder as the boy fell into a series of nervous 'uh's. "Best stop before you dig yourself deeper," he advised, before rubbing Jaune's hair and causing it to spike. "Just aplogize now."

Jaune complied, and Tifa laughed, and both men were at her side when the laughter took a hint of pain. From the sideline, Yang just smiled.

Well, until Yang got a little bored. Family reunion or not, she wasn't the patient type. "Hey, Jaune," Yang called out. "Don't you have something you've been meaning to say?" she prompted.

Jaune understood, and nodded. Stepping back, he looked at both of his parents at once.

"I'm sorry I ran away without letting you know I was safe," Jaune apologized- perhaps with too many caveats, but perfectly sincere. "I don't regret leaving to become a Hunter- but I'm sorry I worried you as much as I did."

Tifa exchanged a look with Cloud, and sighed. "We forgive you, honey," she said. "We weren't exactly helping you to achieve your dreams ourselves."

"And I know something about having to leave home to pursue one," Cloud admitted. "But we won't forgive you if you give up now," Cloud said sternly. "You put your mother through a lot of pain- literally- for this. You'll have to work hard to make it up to her- and to pay back the money you took," he warned.

Jaune gave a little eep, but Yang laughed. "Hey, Jaune," she beckoned. "You can still start on that now." He looked confused as he went over. Yang whispered something into Jaune's ear, and he perked up.

"Thanks, Yang," he said, and gave her an audacious hug before begging his leave. "I'll be back in just a bit," he promised, before fleeing the room.

Tifa watched Yang watch him go, before Yang seemed to realize both parents had watched that. She looked only a little flushed in her good cheer. Cloud didn't comment, but Tifa's expression didn't change either. She just kept watching Yang, until Yang's confidence began to give way to apprehension at the silent stare.

"Hugging, huh?" she simply said once Yang was primed.

"Jaune's just a friendly guy!" Yang protested. "I know he's gotten hugs from Nora- who hasn't? And I'm pretty sure he's hugged my sister. And Pyrrha. I think." A beat. "It doesn't mean anything!" she claimed.

"Well, that's a shame," Tifa said, cracking a smile despite herself. "I was going to give you my blessing and everything."

"Blessing!?" Yang echoed, voice rising, sounding somewhere between horrified and embarrassed.

"But of course," Tifa said. "I need someone strong enough to protect Jaune while I can't. You've more than proven yourself capable," Tifa said airily, but she took a turn for the more serious. "I won't be worried if you look out for him."

"Oh," Yang breathed easier. "Yeah. I can do that- until he gets good enough to look after himself, at least, and even then," Yang said. "I'd do that for all my friends."

"Good to hear," Tifa said from her hospital bed. "You also have my permission to date him." Yang's nerves shot up again, even as Tifa continued. "Though if you break his heart, I **_will_** break you," she warned ominously- or at least as ominously as a mother could from a hospital bed while bruised and covered in stitches and burns.

Which turned out to be pretty scary indeed.

"I wouldn't- that's not- that's not funny," Yang accused, recovering from the parental embarrassment.

Cloud laughed, a compelling counter-argument.

"I thought it was," Tifa said. "Though I am serious."

"I'm not," Yang admitted. "Which is why we're just friends."

"Well then, I'm glad he has friends like you here," Tifa admitted. "Now Cloud- help me out of this bed and into a chair before Jaune gets back," she directed Cloud.

It was a hard- and painful- but it called back old memories. It wasn't every day she got the bridal carry treatment, as Cloud gently picked her up and put her in a wheelchair. As gentle as he was, Tifa still couldn't restrain a pained hiss.

"You going to be okay?" Yang asked from her own bed, a hint of concern in her voice.

Tifa waved it off. "I've had worse," which was true, but also wasn't the same as being good. "And I'd rather not stay here any longer than I have to. I've got bad memories of medical wards," she claimed, even though this one didn't have specimen tanks. Still, she smiled at Yang- almost tauntingly. "Plus, one of the advantages of not being a student is that I don't have to stay in the infirmary ward if I don't want to," she said.

Yang, trapped to her bed by virtue of the leg cast, looked away and grumbled.

It wasn't much longer until Jaune did return- carrying a single small box behind his back as he entered. There wasn't much ceremony as he presented it to Tifa- it barely even had a ribbon- but he held it with pride.

"Yang helped me find it," he said humbly as she opened it. "I hope you like it."

Tifa knew what she'd say regardless- was already saying it before she finished opening it- but that didn't make it any less true.

Especially when she saw it- a fresh, slender pair of fighting gloves- which would be a suitable replacement for the ones damaged in the battle. Just putting them on, she could tell they were a perfect fit.

"It's wonderful, Jaune," Tifa assured. "Thank you. And you too, Yang," she added.

Jaune smiled, and from beside him Yang gave him a fist to the shoulder that led into a high five.

"Don't get too carried away," Cloud cautioned them with a small smile. "She's going to be breaking them in as soon as she's back on her feet," he predicted.

"When I come back, I'm going to beat you with these very gloves," Tifa promised Yang. "So don't cry about your good taste when I do. And I won't hold back for Jaune next time either," she vowed.

"Sounds good. Neither will I," Yang promised in return, smirk present.

"Well, it's time we left," Cloud said, breaking the amicable rivalry as he stepped behind Tifa's wheelchair.

"Already?" Jaune asked. "You aren't going to stay any longer?"

"It's already going to be late when we get back to Edge," Cloud pointed out. "And the airships are going to stop flying soon. Your mother doesn't want to stay here overnight, so…" he said.

"I'll walk you to the Bullheads and see you off," Jaune offered, standing.

But Tifa shook her head. "Best not," she said, maybe a tad regretfully. "I can't promise I won't drag you aboard if you do," she warned. She gave a mixed, but sincere, smile. "This is what you wanted, Jaune," she reminded.

Jaune paused, and gave a rueful smile. "It is," he admitted. "I promise I'll write and call," he said.

"And feel free to come home over break, alright? Your sisters were worried too," Cloud reminded. It was an honest request, not forced or coerced in the least.

"I will," Jaune promised all the same. He paused, uncertain if he should, but he didn't need Yang to prompt him this time. "I love you, Mom, Dad," he said, hugging them- carefully, in Tifa's case.

"We love you too," they said, and embraced him in return.

They separated, and if there were tears in their eyes they were manly tears for two of them. "I'm going to make you proud," Jaune promised. "I don't know how yet- but when I can be proud of myself, when I know a reason why, I'll let you know."

Tifa gave a look at Yang.

"You have good friends, Jaune," she advised. "You can be proud of that already."

/

They watched Cloud push Tifa out the door, and listened for awhile until they were down the hallway. It was another silence- a comfortable one- but it was always going to break.

"Well, that was a thing," Yang said, diverting Jaune's attention. "I'm glad that worked out well."

"Yeah. Me too," Jaune said, before looking at her. "Thanks, Yang. I mean that- you helped me a lot with my family. I don't know how to say that enough."

"Why Jaune!" Yang exclaimed, faking surprise. "Don't tell me you're falling for me now!"

Jaune laughed- as sincerely as Yang had before the fight. "Me? And you?" he laughed, almost (but not quite) in a way that would have offended her from anyone else. "Yang, you just beat my mother half to death. That is _not_ a romance flag," he said.

"Your mom didn't seem to mind," Yang protested, though not very hard. "Even gave me her blessing," she said.

"Sure. Right," Jaune said, clearly not believing her. "But I'm me. Imagine how you'd feel if someone beat up Ruby and then hit on you," he challenged.

Yang gagged- comically so- and the two laughed, easy in eachother's presence. No flustering, no nausea, no heart ache or heart burn… just laughter.

"But really… thanks," Jaune repeated once more. "For putting it all on the line. I'm sorry it cost you some hair. I know how much that means to you."

A shadow of a frown crossed Yang's face as she recalled the damage to her best feature, but only a shadow. "Eh, it was for the best. There'd be even less beautiful blonde around here if I'd lost and your mop got taken away," Yang reasoned, before silly smirk crossed her face. "You could even say… I came out ahead?" she posed. "Eh? Eh?"

Jaune groaned.

"Oh, come on!" Yang protested. "That was awesome, because I'm awesome!" she reasoned. "I had to earn a mountain of brownie points from all that," Yang said. "Tell me I'm wasn't awesome, and I'll call you a liar."

"You were awesome,"Jaune admitted. "You even bumped up a few spots on my 'Best Girls of Remnant' chart. I give you, oh…" he considered. "A nine."

"Oh? Nine out of ten? That's not bad… though not good enough either. I think I deserve a ten for that performance."

Jaune blinked. "You want to be in tenth place?" he asked, surprised.

Yang blinked. "I was only in ninth?" she realized. Surprise turned to anger. "I was only in ninth?! Who beats me?" she demanded.

"Well, Mom is number one," Jaune said.

"But I beat her bloody!"

"And I won't hold it against you, but she still has many years of being amazing to fall back on," Jaune said. "Spots two through eight are my sisters…"

"You mean I couldn't even get top five?" Yang demanded. "That only leaves two spots for non-family!"

"You were already in the top five of girls I'm not related to! Besides, you moved up!"

"Yeah? Against who?" Yang demanded. "Who am I up against now? Weiss?"

"Of course not- Weiss doesn't count because I'm biased. You beat Ruby- she was tenth place. Ninth was obviously Pyrrha, my partner."

"What, you're not biased for her?" Yang accused.

Jaune sniffed. "Of course not. Pyrrha is just naturally caring and amazing. You bully me for fun. And you beat up my Mom," he said. "I'm sure Pyrrha will reclaim her spot soon- maybe she can beat you for points," he suggested.

Yang glared… but snorted, which led to a giggle, which was met with a laugh, and laughing so hard that Yang pulled something in her side.

"Ow ow ow," she groaned through her tears.

Jaune was instantly at the bedside, hovering like he had over Tifa hours before. "Are you in pain? Is there something I can do?" Jaune asked, eager to help. "I owe you a lot," he reminded.

"Yeah, you do," Yang said. "I am a bit thirsty, come to think of it. Fetch me a Strawberry Sunrise," she ordered. "No Ice."

"Sure," Jaune agreed instantly, getting up.

"Oh, and get me my hairbrush from my room," Yang said. "Got to take care of my horrible injury to my best feature."

"Got it," Jaune confirmed.

"And take notes for me in class for the next week."

"Understood."

"And do the homework to."

"Okay."

"And-"

"Yang!" came the chastising tenor of her little sister. "Stop exploiting Jaune like that!"

"It's not exploitation if he agrees to it, Ruby," Yang said, looking to Jaune.

Jaune nodded and smiled. "It's okay- I owe her," he agreed.

Ruby frowned, but Blake- who like the rest of the friends had returned once Tifa and Cloud had left- bent over to whisper in her ear. Ruby's eyes widened with malicious glee.

"Yang!" Ruby demanded with an imperious finger. "Stop exploiting Jaune like that, or I'll tell his mother!"

Yang startled- and groaned, falling back into her pillows. Beaten black and blue or not, somehow she knew Tifa would come back and manage to put a foot up her ass if she caught wind of it. The cast would just make it more painful for both of them.

"Never mind, Jaune," she waved off. "I'll cash in those favors some other time."

Jaune came back to the seat, and was followed by the rest of their friends, who wanted to check up on Yang once more.

"I really will take notes, you know," he promised Yang.

"Thanks," she said. "But that's next week- tonight I'm bored, and I'm stuck in this bed. Amuse me!" she ordered.

Jaune gave a confused look, which no one else could really answer. He pointed at himself cluelessly.

Yang rolled her eyes. "At least distract me," she begged. "This cast itches, and I'm going to be here all night."

"I could talk about my family," Jaune suggested. "I've got a lot of them."

That actually sounded interesting, after the last few days. "What are the rest of them like?" Ruby asked, taking a seat in another chair. "Are they like your parents?" she asked.

"Not all of them," Jaune said. "Not even most of them. They're all heroes as far as I'm concerned, but some of them are downright _weird_ ," he claimed.

"Like, I have this one distant cousin on my Father's side…"

/

* * *

/

 _End_

/

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/

Author Note:

And with that, 'Meet the Family' is formally over... except for all the ways it isn't. At the very least, it can have the 'Complete' tag on, because I could never update this again and it'd still be a complete story. But it's not over. Not really. And here's what's next.

First, and guaranteed- Winner: Tifa. I wrote two final chapters in preparation for the Death Battle, since I didn't know who'd win. They're different enough that I'm kind of proud of the distinction, and feel it worth posting tomorrow- and not just for the Tifa fans who felt she should have won. But hey- pick your headcanon, am I right?

Then- the blooper chapter. 'Meet the Family' dropped a lot of sillyness here and there. Too much for mere omakes at the end of the chapter. Too silly for the serious points of the story. Call it the gag reel.

And then... well, there's a reason this I renamed this 'Meet the Family' rather than 'Meet the Parents.' More on that later...


	5. Winner: Tifa

Meet the Parents

/

 _Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended._

/

* * *

/

Winner: Tifa

/

* * *

/

Special Author Note:

This chapter assumes you've watched the "Yang vs. Tifa" episode of Screwattack's "Death Battle" series. If you haven't seen it- I recommend that you do. It's not necessary for understanding, but eh- why write an epic fightscene myself when there's already one animated?

/

* * *

/

She woke to a moan- and not a good one. It was the bender of benders- mouth dry and cottony, head pounding, and aches and bruises all over. Trying to open her eyes only made it worse- the light, which wasn't so bright, was still unbearable, and the world swam in and out of focus.

Blond hair that wasn't her own hovered over her. What must have been a glass of water came to her lips, and a small trick helped clean the cotton-mouth away.

"How do you feel?" Male, kinda sissy in how concerned it sounded, but kind. Jaune.

"Like someone threw a bar at me, and then followed it up with a beat down, kicked water in my eyes, kicked my face up, threw me into a pile driver, punched me with an aquatic mammal, and slammed me into the ground like a flaming rock. And then I exploded." She shifted her shoulders, and felt her chest hurt in protest. "Maybe ripped out my heart for good measure?" she suggested.

"That's awfully specific," Jaune began, "and a pretty good description of what happened. Except for the last part."

"You asked, I aim to please," Yang returned, too sore to sound too cheerful just yet.

"I did," Jaune said, looking guilty. "And I'm sorry… but thanks."

Raising an eyebrow was beyond her, considering how swollen her face was, so Yang settled for sarcasm. "I was supposed to get my butt kicked?" she asked.

"No- for holding back on your rage at the end there," Jaune said. "I know you were holding yourself back. You didn't have to. I probably shouldn't have worried about Mom like that. But you did it anyway. So… thanks," he repeated.

"Ah, you worried for family. I can respect that," Yang said, before moaning to herself. "I wish you hadn't- cause I friggen hurt all over- but I can respect that. It would have been a shame to set all that hair on fire."

"Holding back, huh?" came the voice of the victory. It was Tifa, who looked and sounded a lot better than Yang felt. Sure, she had a swollen jaw, and a cast on that leg- but that was better than Yang. Yang stopped counting casts after three, and could feel the bruised bones underneath. Forget Jaune- a six-year-old Ruby with a pillow could probably beat her now. "Is that your story?" Tifa asked.

"Stickin' to it," Yang nodded with more conviction than she felt, before hissing in pain. Jaune immediately fussed over her, adjusting a pillow to support her neck, much to Tifa's visible annoyance. Yang gave a look that was both gloating- _look what I got that you don't_ \- and questioning.

"He's been sitting there waiting for you to wake up since you got in," Tifa explained. She shot Jaune a sour look. "Even though his _mother_ is currently restricted to crutches."

"You had me for yourself for the last seventeen years, and you'll have it again. You can at least give me my last day with my friend," Jaune returned, not looking back. There was a snap, a bitter resentment in his response that made Tifa suppress a flinch.

Yang sighed, and in a herculean effort raised her (less broken) arm slowly to Jaune's level- and flicked him in the nose.

"Don't be stupid. You're not fooling anybody," she chastised, before looking over at Tifa. "This guy," Yang said, point at Jaune, "would _not shut up_ about how worried he was about you before the fight. Or when we were shopping for makeup gifts. Or if you were angry about the whole running away deal. He'll get over this," she assured.

"Yang…" Jaune said.

"Shut it, Moma's Boy," Yang interrupted without rancor. "You win some, you lose some. I lost." She shrugged… and let loose the barest fraction of a frown, and not just from the pain. "Sorry about that. But don't let it get between you and family, okay?" she asked, a bit softer at the end.

Jaune's head was bent as his fingers curled in the sheets of her bed, but he ultimately nodded. "I'll try," he promised Yang.

"That might be easier than you think," a masculine voice said as cutey-mcjerk walked into the room. For a moment, Yang forgot why she shouldn't find him attractive.

"Dad," Jaune recognized, looking towards him.

"You're Jaune's father," Yang remembered. Twenty, thirty years and Jaune might grow out of his awkward skinny stage. Who'd have guessed?

"I prefer 'Dad', but 'Jaune's Father' works too," he said. "Most call me Cloud, though. How are you feeling, Ms. Xiao Long?" he asked politely.

"Like I was beaten half to death, and thrown most of the rest of the way," she responded. "And call me Yang," she insisted. "What's easier?"

Tifa opened her mouth to speak, but close it and looked away.

"We talked about this, Tiffa" Cloud reminded.

"You talked about this," she returned. "I just agreed because you're both stubborn. But I don't have to like it," Tifa ground out.

Cloud sighed. "Jaune, I talked with your mother after the battle- when you were still with your friends in the waiting room for Yang to come out of the doctor's- and we came to an understanding. You can stay at Beacon," he said.

"I can?" Jaune said, not daring to believe it.

"But I lost," Yang said. "That means-"

"That the winner gets to choose. We are choosing not to do take him back," Cloud said.

"…why?" Yang asked, not understanding. She'd hate to think that forty-plus bruised bones had been for nothing.

"Because Jaune won't give his word that he won't run away again," Tifa admitted, pained in the admission. "And thanks to you, I can't exactly chase him if he tries," she said, indicating her broken leg.

Yang gave a look to Jaune, and he nodded silently.

Cloud didn't seem happy either- but at least more accepting than his wife. "It's clear that Jaune wants to become a Hunter. Enough to run away. Enough to face monsters of Grimm. Enough to jump onto, and then off of, a moving motorcycle rather than be dragged home. He's found something that means everything to him, whether we like it or not."

"But he's also found friends," Tifa admitted. "Friends that will fight for him- and keep fighting for him, even when it's a lost cause." Tifa gently reached up and rubbed her swollen jaw. "And you aren't weak, either: you might not have beaten me, but you weren't alone in being willing to fight me either. What you did would have allowed the next friend to beat me- or the next, or the next. Quantity has a quality of its own."

"We're concerned," Cloud summarized. "But we're more concerned that forcing Jaune back home will push him against us- or in even more dangerous directions." He sighed. "So yes. Jaune can stay at Beacon. For now. We'll see how this plays out next time."

Jaune turned to face his parents, and if he had tears in his eyes they were tears of happiness. "Thank you!" he said. "Thank you!"

He might have been grateful, but he was still sitting at Yang's bedside rather than going to his parents. There was still a gap- a barrier- and even Yang could feel it by how they sat feet away, wanting to get closer but afraid to try.

Fortunately for them, Yang happened to be trapped in a hospital bed with them.

"Hey, Jaune," she managed, drawing attention back to herself as she struggled to sit up. Immediately Jaune moved to help her, but Yang caught his eye instead. "Don't you have something you've been meaning to say?" she prompted.

Jaune understood, and nodded. Stepping back, he turned towards both of his parents at once.

"I'm sorry I ran away without letting you know I was safe," Jaune apologized- perhaps with too many caveats, but sincere. "I don't regret leaving to become a Hunter- but I'm sorry I worried you as much as I did." He stepped tentatively towards them, but kept his distance- as afraid he'd upset them as they had been of him.

Tifa exchanged a look with Cloud, and sighed. "We forgive you, honey," she said. "It hurt, but I understand your feelings."

"And I know something about leaving to chase a dream, even if you're not prepared for it," Cloud said.

"We've always known you'd leave home eventually- we just hoped it wouldn't be so soon," Tifa admitted. "I wish you hadn't left- but I can't force you to be happy at home, no matter how strong I am."

It was like a floodgate, and Jaune rushed forward to hug them. "I love you both so much," he muttered into their shoulders. "I love home. I love you all. I just-"

"We know, Jaune. We know. And so do we." Cloud said. "We always have, and always will."

"I won't make you regret this," Jaune promised. "I'll make the most of it, and make it up to you some day, I promise."

"Good," Tifa accepted. "You scared me half to death when you disappeared, I've been worried sick since. You put me through a lot, buster," she scolded.

"The fright was worse than the fight," Cloud weighed in. "And you need to make up that money you took as well."

Jaune had the grace to look embarrassed, but Yang had the audacity to interfere once more. "Hey, Jaune," she beckoned. "You could start with that thing in my room," she said. "You know. Here- take my room key if no one's there," she offered, indicating her scroll.

Jaune came over, escaping his parents arms, and gave Yang an infinitely grateful look as he took it. "Thanks, Yang," he said, voice cracking from recent emotion. "For everything. I'd give you a hug right now, but-" he trailed off, looking at her bruised and bandaged body.

"Eh, you can give me my reward later-" Yang began.

Jaune bent down, and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Thanks," he said again.

Yang was actually shocked speechless for moment- or at least long enough for him to be out the door.

"Did he- did _Jaune_ really just," Yang began, raising her hand to her cheek and shocked that Jaune would have the guts to do something like that. "Why that mother-fu-"

"Ahem," Tifa interrupted with a bemused smile.

"Did you see that?" Yang demanded of them. "Tell me you didn't see that. Tell me you punched me in the head or something and I imagined it- please- because what kind of guy does that?"

"A grateful one," Cloud answered matter of factly. "He must think highly of you."

"He didn't even aim for the lips!" Yang couldn't believe. "He didn't even try! What kind of thank-you kiss is that?"

"What would you have done if he had?" Tifa wondered.

"Punched him so hard my hand would break. Again." Yang answered.

"Then it was probably the kind that avoids that," Cloud considered. "Don't get worked up about it- he does that for his sisters all the time when they're down."

"That is- ugh," Yang grumped, settling back down. "I've already got all the sibling love I want. I don't need to be sis-zoned as well."

"I hope you aren't too disappointed to be there," Tifa said in a particular tone.

"What are you trying to say?" Yang asked, looking at her.

"Just that I have no objection to you being friends with my son, but I wouldn't approve of anything more," Tifa said.

"There isn't anything more," Yang said.

"Good!" Tifa said agreeably, in a way that needled Yang's ego. "After all, my son only deserves the best."

Yang was more offended by the arrow at her than who it was sent over. "I don't see how it's any of your business," Yang ground out.

"Jaune's my baby, and that's all I need," Tifa said. "I'd only give my blessing to someone strong enough to protect Jaune while I'm away anyway. You have spirit, but-" Tifa gave a significant look at the casts and bruises. "Perhaps I'll find a worthy girl next time I come back," she mused.

Yang glared. "I am going to beat you next time, but that has nothing to do with Jaune."

Tifa tilted her head and smiled just so. "You'd be amazed how many girls tell me it's not about Jaune after I beat them," she taunted.

Cloud stepped forward between them. "Play nice, Tifa," he chided gently. "She's a patient." He turned his attention to Yang. "Where did Jaune go?"

"To pick something from my room. He'll be back soon," Yang said, settling back on her bed and trying to find… if not peace, a lack of pain, in just breathing.

It wasn't much longer until Jaune did return- carrying a single small box behind his back as he entered. There wasn't much ceremony as he presented it to Tifa- it barely even had a ribbon- but he held it with pride.

"Yang helped me find it," he said humbly as she opened it. "I hope you like it."

Yang watched as Tifa opened it, and saw the smile on her face even before she had opened it- one that got only wider when she saw what it was. A fresh, slender pair of fighting gloves- which would be a suitable replacement for the ones lost in the battle. Tifa put them on, and even from a distance it was clear they were a snug and perfect fit.

"Looks like I have something for our rematch next time," Tifa said to Yang. "You can blame yourself when you lose again."

Yang rolled her eyes, but didn't miss the teasing tone Jaune's mother had. Tifa turned to Jaune.

"It's wonderful gift. Thank you, Jaune," she said, and reached out to ruffle her son's head. Even Yang smiled at how Jaune didn't flinch or shy away.

"It's about time we left," Cloud said. "The bullheads from Beacon won't be running much longer," he noted, even as he took a green tint.

"Getting to Edge isn't going to be fun with this," Tifa muttered, indicating her cast-bound foot.

"Do you- do you want me to walk you to the bullheads?" Jaune asked, offering.

Tifa smiled regretfully. "Want? Yes. Should?" she gave a rueful laugh. "I can't promise I wouldn't drag you aboard, dear," she said.

"Oh," Jaune said, and despite everything that had occurred he looked downcast.

"Besides," Tifa said. "I'm free to leave whenever, since I'm not a student- unlike your friend over there. Yang will need your company more than I will," she said. She paused, and then gave him another hug but looked over his shoulder and met Yang's eye as she did it.

"I still don't like how you left, but I do love that you're trying to become better," Tifa admitted. "And I'm proud that you've made friends who are willing to fight for you as much as with you. Live up to that, alright sweetie?"

"Okay," Jaune accepted, but not before giving his parents another hug. "I'll call and write more, I promise," he said

Cloud gave him a firm hand on the shoulder. "Come home over the next break as well," he said, as much an order as an invitation. "Your sisters were worried."

"I will, Dad," Jaune promised, and that was enough for Cloud and Tifa. Their son might run, might cheat, but he didn't break promises.

Cloud led the pair on the way out, but Tifa stopped in the door, crutches and all, to give a final look at Yang.

"I'm trusting you to get stronger as well," Tifa said. "If I find Jaune's been hurt, I will be back- and I won't hold back either," she vowed. "Don't forget what I said about my blessing," she warned. She raised two fingers in a v, pointed them at her own eyes, and then pointed them at Yang. "I'll be watching you," she mouthed, before she took her crutches down the hall.

Yang and Jaune listened to the sound go further, and eventually fade away. Jaune spoke first.

"What was that about?" he asked Yang. "Blessing?"

"It's nothing, just a thing," Yang waved off, diverting Jaune's attention. "I'm glad everything ended up working out for you."

"Yeah. Me too," Jaune said, before looking at her. "Thanks, Yang. I mean that- you helped me a lot with my family. I don't think I could say that enough."

"You've got a funny way of expressing it," Yang said, remembering the peck on her cheek. "Don't tell me you're falling for me now," she said, half-playful and half something else.

Jaune didn't notice the ambiguity and simply laughed- as sincerely as Yang had before the fight. "Me? And you?" he laughed. From his mother, it would have pissed her off- from him, it was just reassuring and comfortable. "Yang, my mom just beat you half to death. Imagine if a boy Ruby put into the hospital turned around and asked you out." He took an evaluating look at her. "The half of you that's not in bandages or body casts is bruised black and blue. You don't have anything to worry about," he said.

"You didn't have to put it like that," Yang grumbled. "I know I'm a mess."

"You're fine, Yang," said, rolling his eyes just a bit. "In fact, I thought you looked amazing," he said.

"Oh?" Yang said, willing to be flattered. "How so?"

"Well, all things considered," he caveated. "You did just get beaten by a woman old enough to be your mother. But you're in one piece, with the right number of limbs, and you're alive! A pulse is definitely a good sign after Mom's been serious," Jaune shared.

"Wow, Jaune," Yang said dryly. "You've really know how to make a girl feel special."

"Plus, your hair made it out alright," Jaune added. "So your best feature is still there. Really stands out against all the black and blue."

"…alright, that was a little better," Yang admitted with some humor, and possibly a little flattered.

Jaune laughed, but she didn't- laughter hurt her bruised ribs too much. But it wasn't bad- no flustering, no blustering, no feeling of loss or even defeat. It was… comfortable.

"Well, I had to earn at least some brownie points from all that," Yang said. "You already said I was amazing, so no take-backsies. How good?" she asked Jaune.

"On my 'Best Girls of Remnant' chart, I give you, oh…" he considered. "A solid ten."

"Ten out of ten?" Yang said, pleased with herself. "Nice. What's your mother score- eleven?"

"Oh, she's one," Jaune said, as if it should be obvious.

"One?" Yang repeated. "You mean- I'm in tenth place?" she realized. "How's that an improvement?"

"You beat Ruby now!" Jaune protested in his (her?) defense. "You moved up!"

"What, Ruby's not good enough to be in your top ten?" Yang demanded, offended on her precious sister's behalf (and suddenly understanding Tifa's perspective a little bit better). "Who's ahead of us?" she demanded.

"Well, Mom is secure in her spot at number one," Jaune said, to no protest. "And then there are my seven sisters... then there's Pyrrha," he said.

At least it wasn't Weiss, but still- "Come on," Yang protested. "I just fought your mother, for Jaune's sake! Thanks to me, you're still in Beacon! That's gotta beat Pyrrha!"

Jaune wasn't moved. "You _lost_ to my mother," Jaune pointed out. "Mom let me stay at Beacon. Maybe if it had been Pyrrha, Mom wouldn't have had the choice at all," Jaune said in an affected tone. "Besides- Pyrrha is naturally caring and amazing. You bully me for fun. Sorry, Yang, my partner is definitely Number Nine," Jaune sniffed in dismissal.

"You know what, Jaune? You should totally tell her that," Yang suggested hotly.

"You know what? I think I will," Jaune said, making it clear he'd never asked a woman's opinion of making a Top Ten, but not the Top Five.

Yang tried to keep the glare- tried to keep their banter going- but she couldn't. She snorted, which led to a giggle, which was met with a laugh, and which only hurt her bruised ribs more.

"Ow ow ow," she groaned through her tears.

Jaune was instantly at the bedside, pretense forgotten, hovering like he had earlier. "How bad does it hurt? Is there something I can do?" Jaune asked, eager to help. "I owe you a lot," he reminded.

"Yeah, you do," Yang said. "I could use a drink. You know how to make a Strawberry Sunrise?" she asked.

"Sure," Jaune agreed instantly, getting up.

"Oh, and could you get me my hairbrush from my room?" Yang asked. "I want to take care of my best feature."

"Got it," Jaune confirmed.

"And I'd appreciate it if you could take notes for me in the classes I'm going to miss."

"Understood."

"And would you mind helping me with the homework?"

"Of course."

"And-"

"Yang!" came the chastising tenor of her little sister. "Stop exploiting Jaune like that!"

"It's not exploitation if he's willing, Ruby," Yang said, looking to Jaune for confirmation.

Jaune nodded and smiled. "It's okay- I owe her," he agreed.

Ruby frowned, but Blake- who like the rest of the friends had returned after seeing Tifa and Cloud leave- bent over to whisper in her ear. Ruby's eyes widened with malicious glee.

"Yang!" Ruby demanded with an imperious finger. "Stop exploiting Jaune like that, or I'll tell his mother!"

Yang froze, and tried not to shiver as she fell back into her pillow. Somehow she didn't think that being an invalid would protect her from Tifa if she caught wind of it.

"Never mind, Jaune," she waved off. "I'll cash in those favors some other time."

Jaune came back to the seat, and was followed by the rest of their friends, who were anxious to spend time with Yang now that she'd awoken.

"I really will take notes, you know," he promised Yang.

"Thanks," she said. "But that's next week- tonight I'm bored, and I'm stuck in this bed. Humor me?" she asked.

Jaune gave a confused look, which no one else could really answer. He pointed at himself cluelessly.

Yang rolled her eyes. "At least distract me," she begged. "This cast itches, and I'm going to be stuck here all week."

"I could talk about my family," Jaune suggested. "I've got a lot of them."

That actually sounded interesting, after the last few days. "What are the rest of them like?" Ruby asked, taking a seat in another chair. "Are they like your parents?" she asked.

"Not all of them," Jaune said. "Not even most of them. They're all heroes as far as I'm concerned, but some of them are downright _weird_ ," he claimed.

"Like, I have this one aunt on my Mother's side…"

/

* * *

/

 _End_

/

* * *

/

Author Note:

And here's for everyone who insists Tifa should have won. Eat your hearts out.

So serious self-critique over the overall story here.

'Meet the Family' has been an idea I've had for awhile- basically 'Jaune's family is heroes from crossovers.' Cloud from FFVII was always going to be the father. There were some thematic parallels I could point to- the departure from home in pursuit of an impossible ambition to start a heroes journey, the status of 'failure' and the 'lie' that defines most of their stories- but what really sold it was the little-remembered fact that Cloud gets motion sickness too. Like father, like son. Despite the forward-going rule of 'blonde haired, blue eyed' crossover characters for relatives, Tifa (the primary love interest for Cloud) got the slot as Jaune's mother- partly because of Death Battle, and partly because (at least in the original game and not the later spin-offs) she's a lot more expressive emotionally which was critical for the story I wanted to tell. Tifa really ended up stealing the story- and made a better rival-antagonist for Yang- than Cloud, who was the initial character hook. But that's okay.

(For the record- I was trying to use the Cloud we get at the end of FFVII, rather than the increasingly angst-defined one the fandom pushed into the spin-off material. Cloud's character arc in FFVII was to get over that as he approached character development towards true confidence and emotional maturity- which was another parallel for Jaune's own growth.)

In terms of writing quality, this was a rush job- everything was written in about three/four days, and not when I was in a natural writing mood, but I was trying to beat the Death Battle premier. It shows a bit in the script- I'd call it 'hasty' for how I skipped here and there as I tried to keep the core scenes but avoid too much fluff. I didn't worry about the shopping itself, and I dropped an intended 'Tifa embarrasses Jaune by being overly affection' piece because it messed with the drama, and of course I skipped the Death Battle entirely... though that was kinda the point of building this around the Death Battle episode.

Mostly, though, the story bounced between humor and seriousness. I was trying to tell a story of Jaune's departure from home, and the complications (and complicated feelings) that result. That Jaune left not because he hated his family, but despite how well he thinks of them because he wants to be a Hunter more. I've long thought that that was good fodder for Jaune-centric fics- criminally underused- and the idea that family would try to take Jaune back because they love him is a setup that was begging to be used. A lot of stories use 'daddy issues' in the sense that the character has a poor or complicated relationship with their parents: Weiss and her father who she disagrees with about the ethics of their company, Yang and her memories of Taiyang being a bad father during the bad time. This was my case in which 'parent issues' were snarled, but overwhelmingly good- both sides love the other, but hurt/are afraid they've hurt the other.

I think that comes across a bit better in this 'Winner: Tifa' chapter- something I'm glad I wrote, because it gave a good chance to do a 'what if' and slightly different outcomes from a slightly different angle. People who know me, or have read my earlier works, know I'm a fan of 'what if' and RPGs in general- and one of the coolest parts of RPGs for me is how different choices/outcomes can be reflected, even if they end up in the same general point. No matter who wins, Jaune still stays at Beacon and reconciles with his parents. You might ask, 'what's the point?'

But it's the little differences that make it worth re-reading: not just the different perspectives between Tifa/Yang as they come to, how they perceive things, but also how Jaune reacts. In 'Winner: Yang', Tifa wakes up with Jaune at her side and not with Yang, and his first reaction is to reach out and touch her- this shows Tifa that just because she lost the fight, she didn't lose him, and their interaction is better now that Jaune isn't afraid of being taken away. Whereas 'Winner: Tifa' has a worse dynamic: Jaune is clearly putting Yang over Tifa and is resentful, and Tifa is faced with the fact that while she might have won the battle, she's closer to losing her son. Reconciliation is a bit harder. Yang also gets her difference between the routes: when she wins, Yang is confident, even cocky, and she's a bit more assertive: notice how she orders Jaune to do all those favors at the end. Whereas when Tifa wins, Yang is hurt and a bit more subdued as a result- more bravado than confidence, and an undercurrent of guilt/insecurity- both for Jaune's imminent departure, and where they stand. She's shaken, and in comes out in how at the end she's asking, rather than demanding, Jaune do things for her. That's the sort of distinction and difference I like in these sort of 'what ifs.'

Yang was chosen as the primary support character for a couple of reasons. The biggest was obviously death battle- same as Tifa being the mother. But there were also characterization reasons as well. First and foremost- Yang being irreverent and willing to push into personal issues more than most of the rest of the cast, who tend to defer to social niceties and privacy. In a story where the family issues are 'both sides love eachother, but are snarled,' Yang makes an ideal character to break the deadlock: caring enough to help, crass enough to push, and capable enough to stand her own against a formidable force. Even if I hadn't told the 'Arc reunion' story in the context of a Death Battle or a crossover, I would have chosen Yang. She's definitely someone who's thought alot about family, and would help her friends if they were in a tough spot- and rude enough to do so even if her interferance wasn't wanted. Because that's the sort of friend she is.

Which is actually why I kept the ship-tease to teasing, and not actual shipping. There is a criminal lack of good Yang and Jaune stories around, but this didn't need to be one of them. In fact, it would have under cut it- I've written in the past that I dislike shipping when it's cast on the grounds of '(s)he helped, therefore (s)he must be doing it out of love.' It's one of the reasons I dislike most of the partner-ships in RWBY: it makes even platonic affection and caring into only being because of love, which undercuts a character if they somehow aren't caring enough to do the same thing because of friendship. It's a theft of motivation. Yang isn't helping Jaune because she's in love with him: she goes along because she's bored, she helps pick gifts because he's trying to do the right thing on a topic that matters to her, she flees from Cloud because she's covering for a friend, and she fights Tifa because Tifa pisses her off and a sense of rivalry. Jaune's... kinda irrelevant for all that, really. He's the catalyst, but Yang's reasons are her own, not him.

Which isn't to say that Yang and Jaune don't come closer because of this, but romantic interest is neither the start or the end of this little story. Yang didn't do anything specifically because it was Jaune. Likewise, Jaune doesn't come out thinking it was all about him or her: Jaune's primary emotional attachment in the story is his parents and family, and Yang only really gets closer to him because of that. The fact that she's still fighting with Pyrrha, just to make it to the bottom of the top ten girls in his life, underscores that if there's any shipping to follow from this, it's got a long ways to go.

Which is fine by me.. When you get down to it, the biggest Jaune shipper in the story is Tifa. At least until the blooper real tomorrow.


	6. BOSS

Meet the Parents

/

 _Jaune goes into Vale to go shopping. Yang goes along out of boredom- and gets a bit more up close and personal with his parents than she intended._

/

* * *

/

B.O.S.S.

Bloopers, Omakes, Shipping, and Stuff

/

* * *

/

Special Author Note:

Here be the deleted scenes I couldn't fit in because the comedy broke the drama. Or because I didn't think of them until compiling this later.

Good for a laugh. Not intended to be serious. Also- go watch RWBY Season 3, episode 1 when it comes out today!

/

* * *

/

/

Bloopers and Omakes

/

Take 1

/

In Yang's defense, she didn't start any of it. At least not on purpose.

It's not like Yang woke up _intending_ any of the weekend's events- spending some quality shopping time with Jaune, or hitting on total hottie only to realize he was Jaune's father, or having a life-or-near-death chase with Jaune at her back, or trying to help mediate a reconciliation with Jaune's mother, or fighting a death battle with Jaune's mother over Jaune himself.

It just kinda… happened. Like how she made out with him in front of his mother.

"What?!"

/

Take 1.1

It just kinda… happened. Like how she claimed his virginity while his mother was stuck in that hospital bed.

"WHAT?!"

/

Take 1.2

It just kinda… happened.

But honestly- totally unplanned. Like she needed Jaune as an excuse to make out with his mother.

"WHA- actually, no, I'm okay with this."

To think, they'd started just a few days earlier and hadn't stopped since…

"Ew, Mooooom! Stop stealing my implicit love interest!"

"Hush, honey. I like blondes. I'm sure there's a gray-haired androgynous person out there for you to obsessively chase after."

/

Take 2

Yang frowned, since she didn't, but a thought came to mind. "You picking something up?" she asked.

"Yeah, actually," Jaune admitted, surprised.

"For you or someone else?" Yang asked.

"Not for me," Jaune denied.

Yang smirked. "Girl?" she asked, challenging.

"Yeah," Jaune admitted, shoulder slumping at being found so easily. "I just need to find something good."

"Chocolate," Yang said simply. "Girls love chocolate. Most will forgive anything for chocolate."

"Oh! That helps a lot! Guess I'll go make some," Jaune said, turning around and heading back towards Beacon. "Thanks Yang! Enjoy your time in Vale!" he called.

Yang waved back absently. "Why do I have a feeling I just missed the plot?" she wondered.

/

Take 2.1

Yang nodded to herself, pleased with herself for figuring it out. "Want help?" she offered.

"Huh?" Jaune asked, surprised.

Yang tossed her head and struck a pose that showed off her figure. "Well, I _am_ the expert on girls here," she said. "I could have any girl dropping their drawers for you in a heartbeat."

"It's for my Mom and sisters!" Jaune said, horrified.

Yang froze… before a lecherous leer crossed her face. "Why Jaune," she purred. "I didn't realize you were _that_ close with your family."

/

Take 2.2

Yang tossed her head and struck a pose that showed off her figure. "Well, I _am_ the expert on girls here," she said. "And I know everything you need to know for gifts for Team RWBY and JNPR."

"Oh? How's that?" Jaune asked.

"Because I know everyone's three sizes."

/

Take 3

"Cheer up, Jaune. You should feel lucky a girl as hot as me is accompanying you," Yang boasted. "People might get the wrong impression about us. What do you think of that?"

Yang frowned at Jaune's back as he bent further over the trashcan and audibly gagged.

"That better have been airsickness," she warned darkly.

"It's not," Jaune said, losing the fight.

/

Take 3.1

"Cheer up, Jaune. You should feel lucky a girl as hot as me is accompanying you," Yang boasted. "People might get the wrong impression about us. What do you think of that?"

A random passerby's comments filtered up. "That girl is way too hot for that guy. She's either his sister, a pity date, or both."

Yang turned and watched them go. "The sad thing is," she considered, "is that I can see why they'd think that."

/

Take 3.2

"Cheer up, Jaune. You should feel lucky a girl as hot as me is accompanying you," Yang boasted. "People might get the wrong impression about us. What do you think of that?"

A random passerby's comments filtered up. "That girl is way too hot for that guy. She's gotta be an escort."

"Hey!"

"The sad thing is," Jaune muttered, "I can see why they'd think that."

"Hey hey!"

/

Take 3.3

"Cheer up, Jaune. You should feel lucky a girl as hot as me is accompanying you," Yang boasted. "People might get the wrong impression about us. What do you think of that?"

A random passerby's comments filtered up. "That guy with her looks so miserable. She must have an awful personality."

"Alright, you know what? Fuck what other people think."

/

Take 4

"I can't believe you asked a girl to carry your bags while shopping," Yang groused darkly hours later.

"Oh, come on, Yang," Jaune whined from behind her. "You've got one! I'm carrying, like, ten of them!"

It was true- while Yang carried a single bags, Jaune was loaded down with nearly a dozen, struggling under the mass and weight. Nearly toppling under the weight- top-heavy from a number of boxes that came up to his nose- Yang sighed and had pity.

"Let's take a break," Yang said, guiding him to suitable location. "You need a rest, and I know just the thing to perk you up," she claimed as they approached the destination.

"Yang- isn't this a lo- lo- lo- a _hotel?_ " Jaune stammered.

"Oh, don't worry," Yang said, pushing him inside. "They have very reasonable hourly rates."

/

Take 5

"So who do we have left?" she asked, though it was easier for Jaune to count off who they had.

"There's my sisters," Jaune pointed at most of the bags and boxes, which were filled with assorted things. Yang had snuck in a few extra items on a whim- little stocking stuffers from a secret santa.

"Um, Yang," Jaune began hesitantly, bringing up the topic once again. "I _really_ don't think those are the best gifts from me to my sisters."

"Oh, as if," Yang denied. "It's the perfect gift for any grown girl. Trust me, Jaune, they'll use it all the time."

"…Yang, shouldn't you ask what age they are about now?"

"…I'm going to go to jail if I don't, aren't I?"

"Yup."

/

Take 6

Yang looked forward- looked at what he'd been looking at- and only saw the flower girl by the fountain. "I swear, if he just ignored all that just to flirt…" she muttered in disgust.

But if he did, it was the shortest, most transactional flirt ever. The girl looked confused, and then smiled as Jaune pulled out his wallet. She took him by the hand and took him out of sight, in the general direction of the public restrooms.

Ten minutes later, Jaune returned looking very satisfied, and holding a flower.

"It took you ten minutes to buy a flower?" Yang asked, incredulous. "How long did you make her put up with you?" she demanded.

"It was a very special flower."Jaune claimed. "And I don't think she minded the length."

Anything else he intended to say was interrupted when flower girl ran up to them.

"Hey, Cutie," she said to Jaune, handing something wrapped in a brown bag. "You forgot this. And don't forget to call next time you're in Vale," she said with a wink, slipping a piece of paper with a phone number.

/

Take 7

"Uh, Yang? You don't happen to know any other delivery services around here, do you?" he asked.

"None that come this cheap and reliable," she said. "And none near here. What's up?"

Jaune didn't answer immediately. "Could I pretty please beg a favor?" he asked shakily.

"Get on your knees and beg if you want it that bad," Yang suggested.

Jaune did.

/

Take 8

"Oh, sorry," came the masculine apology, and blond hair that wasn't hers came into her line of sight and picked packages off the ground.

He- it was most _definitely_ a man- had spikey blond hair on top of a lean build. His face had a sort of toughness that came from experience- older than Yang usually liked- but he had a wonderful set of blue eyes.

'Me likey,' Yang appreciated, even as he bent over to pick one up. 'Me likely a lot.'

"Sorry about your package," the man politely apologized, handing one back for her to take. Yang didn't, simply lost in his eyes.

"Aren't you going to take your package?" the blue-eyed man prompted.

"I'm sorry, I was too busy undressing you in my mind," Yang admitted.

/

Take 9

"That- I mean, who gave this to you?" the delivery man asked.

"Does it matter?" Yang asked. "I can give you my name and number for a return address if you want," she offered, winking.

"No thanks," the deliveryman said. "I'd rather have your friend's."

"No, you wouldn't," Yang insisted, moving closer into the man's personal space. "Trust me- just hideous in a dress."

"Then I'll just take it off," the hunky man suggested. "Problem solved."

"That's- that's- excuse me, I'm undressing you both in my mind right now," Yang admitted with a perverted leer.

/

Take 10

"I'd rather have your friend's."

"No, you wouldn't," Yang insisted, moving closer into the man's personal space. "Trust me- just hideous in a dress. Besides," Yang said, putting a finger to his chest and circling it. "I'd rather not talk about anyone else right now. Why don't we talk about us?" she suggested, leaning closer.

He got closer in return- and shoved her back. Yang found herself checked into the wall behind her with her arm trapped above her head.

"Miss," the blond man warned, "I think you know someone I'm looking for. Please tell me where to find him."

"Ooh, if you insist," she said playfully, giving no hint of fear. "Why don't you check those boxes behind you?"

Confused, Cloud took a look at the packages behind him. No one of them was big enough to hold a person.

No one of them was big enough to hide an _entire_ person.

Too late, Cloud realized he hadn't secured both arms.

/

Take 11

"Do you really have to be so rough?" Yang flirted once more, even as she prepared a fist with her free hand. "I'm sure we could… work things out between us. Wouldn't you rather be friends?" she asked, arcing her chest seductively.

"Okay," he said.

"And that's the story of how Ruby became an Aunt."

/

Take 11.1

"Do you really have to be so rough?" Yang flirted once more, even as she prepared a fist with her free hand. "I'm sure we could… work things out between us. Wouldn't you rather be friends?" she asked, arcing her chest seductively.

The blond man looked down. "First off, I'm married."

"So? What's your point?" Yang asked, arching her back further.

"No point," he said.

"And that's the story of how Jaune lost a father, but gained a brother."

/

Take 11.2

"Do you really have to be so rough?" Yang flirted once more, even as she prepared a fist with her free hand. "I'm sure we could… work things out between us. Wouldn't you rather be friends?" she asked, arcing her chest seductively.

The blond man looked down… and laughed in her face. "First, not interested," he said. "Happily taken. And second… I've seen better. Married better," he claimed. "I've _cross-dressed_ better."

"Oh yeah? Prove it," Yang challenged.

He took out his wallet.

"Yang you traitor!"

"Sorry, Jaune," Yang apologized. "But Mistress promised to teach me her ways."

"I _am_ a guy, you know."

"Whatever you say, Mistress Cloud."

/

Take 12

Yang leaned bumblebee closer towards Jaune, and nearly clotheslined the frightened boy as she drove by. An awkward moment of handling later, and he was on Bumblebee behind her.

"Hold on!" she shouted behind her, reving the engine more.

"Where?" Jaune yelped.

 _("I've seen better. Married better.")_

Ooh, that prick- she'd show him-

"Anywhere!" Yang answered. "Just take responsibility!"

"Not that either of our Dad's gave us much of a choice afterwards. I didn't know Vale _had_ that many traffic cameras."

/

Take 13

"He sounds mad!" Yang said, even if she couldn't understand the words.

"What did you do?" Jaune asked.

"What did I do?" Yang asked. "What makes you think I-?" she protested.

Jaune gave her a look so hard she could feel it even before she turned and saw it.

"I might have flirted with him," Yang admitted.

Jaune went pale, and not from the tight turn Yang was leaning into.

"You flirted my Dad?" he asked.

Yang almost spun out then and there.

"Your dad?!" she exclaimed, paling herself. "Then that means I- with Jaune's- ew ew ew!" she spat, regretting that she'd ever thought he was hot.

"Never mind that!" Jaune exclaimed. "What did you do?" he demanded. "What did you do?!"

"What does it matter?" Yang shouted back.

"When my Mom hears about it she'll- dodge!" he screamed pointing up.

A boulder the size of a house came crashing down, right in the middle of a freeway. Then came an actual house!

"Fuck! What the fuck?" Yang exclaimed, before looking up. "Fuck, is that a tree?!" she demanded.

"It's my Mom!"

"Your mom's a tree?"

"No, she's riding on it!" Jaune pointed.

Surfing on the mighty oak was indeed one seriously pissed off mama.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" Yang despaired.

"Prepare to die, hussy!"

/

Take 13.1

She gave another rev of the engine, and heard another behind them. A quick glance told her that the black bike was behind her. The man was shouting.

"He sounds mad!" Yang said, even if she couldn't understand the words.

"What did you do?" Jaune asked.

"What did I do?" Yang asked. "What makes you think I-?" she protested.

Jaune gave her a look so hard she could feel it even before she turned and saw it.

"I might have flirted with him," Yang admitted.

Jaune went pale, and not from the tight turn Yang was leaning into.

"You flirted with my dad?" he asked.

Yang almost spun out then and there.

"Your dad?!" she exclaimed, before realizing what that meant. "Wait- so that means in a in a few decades you'll look like-?"

"What?" Jaune asked. "In a few decades I'll look like what?"

Yang looked back at him, considering, and decided to make an early investment.

"Dibs," she claimed, and locked lips with him.

/

Take 14

"How much longer do you think until he gives up chasing?" Yang asked.

"He doesn't give up easily," Jaune said as he chanced a look back- no doubt avoiding any meeting of the eyes- and then shoved Yang down and to the right. "Watch out!" he shouted before she could protest.

That shove- or at least the movement to rebalance- was what saved them as a massive blade impacted where bumblebee's rear tire would have been. Sparks flew on the edge of a blade that certainly would have cut through the rear tire with ease.

"How'd he get so close?" Yang wondered looking back. "That shouldn't be- oh. Someone's sure compensating."

Jaune sighed. "Like no one's ever made that joke before."

/

Take 15

"Jaune! Can you call our weapon lockers?" Yang asked as an idea came to her. There was a construction site way down aways…

"On it!" Jaune agreed, pulling out his scroll.

His attempts were thwarted, however, when their pursuer slammed down beside them, having fallen from _above._ Did he skip the ramp and jump…?

His fall was accompanied by the fall of his blade- still sharp end up and away from them, but in-between them now that Jaune had leaned back to use his scroll. Jaune gave a yelp, and a frantic grab at Yang's waist as the flat of the sword broke his previous grip.

Jaune's father began to slow- and as he did, the sword began to act as a laver. Either Yang slowed down with him, or Jaune would be pried off- either falling to the pavement, or held by the blade like butter balanced on a knife.

She didn't slow down.

"So long, sucker!" Yang shouted, racing away with a middle finger raised in farewell.

Cloud watched her go as he slowed down to a stop, Jaune balanced on his buster sword.

"Jaune, I think you need better friends," he said.

/

Take 15.1

"Jaune! Can you call our weapon lockers?" Yang asked as an idea came to her. There was a construction site way down aways…

"On it!" Jaune agreed.

His attempts were thwarted, however, when their pursuer slammed down beside them, having fallen from _above._ Did he skip the ramp and jump…?

His fall was accompanied by the fall of his blade- sharp end down. Bumblebee split in half, with Yang and the forward wheel careening further- along with Jaune's two forearms and legs, still gripping Yang.

Jaune screamed in pain, blood spurting from every stump on the pavement where he fell.

"Uh, oops?" Cloud said.

/

Take 15.2

His attempts were thwarted, however, when their pursuer slammed down beside them, having fallen from _above._ Did he skip the ramp and jump…?

His fall was accompanied by the fall of his blade- sharp end down, but stopping before it could dismember Jaune. Still, the slash made Yang look back in surprise- just in time to see a lock of blonde hair float away.

Fire roared. "You _bastard!"_ she roared, and leaned towards the other bike so that she could hit it- and she hit it so hard, the front tire flew off.

"I guess that works," Jaune said, watching his father stumble out of the motorcycle wreck. "Let's go."

"Fine," Yang snapped, and turned away.

Jaune very quietly hid the pair of scissors.

/

Take 15.3

His attempts were thwarted, however, when their pursuer slammed down beside them, having fallen from _above._ Did he skip the ramp and jump…?

His fall was accompanied by the fall of his blade- sharp end down, but stopping before it could dismember Jaune. Still, the slash made Yang look back in surprise- just in time to see a lock of blonde hair float away.

Fire roared. "You _bastard!"_ she roared, and leaned towards the other bike so that she could hit it- and she hit it so hard, the front tire flew off.

"Uh, Yang?" Jaune stated. "That was my hair, not yours."

Yang's fire fizzled.

/

Take 16

"Still not reason you should get in trouble with me," Jaune denied, before hesitating. "Tell everyone at school I'm sorry if this doesn't work?" he asked.

"Jaune?" Yang asked, not liking the tone.

Jaune let go of her, and leaned back off the bike.

"Jaune!" That wasn't just her- that was Jaune's father as well, fear (or horror?) evident as Jaune fell. They'd slowed down, true, but they were still going at a pretty significant pace- a pace that would seriously hurt a normal person. Jaune bounced, and tumbled, and there was the sound of a tearing of cloth as he slid and came to an ominous stop.

Yang tore into skidding stop. Jaune's father did one better- he actually jumped from his motorcycle, sending it tumbling end over end. Yang had to duck as it bounced over her- and over the edge of the road. In mid-air, Jaune's father took that same massive sword from earlier- one he'd jumped with ease holding- and used it as a jumping point. The physics in Remnant followed- Jaune's father sped towards Jaune, while the blade tumbled far away.

Jaune's father landed beside him, sliding to Jaune and flipping him over. Wide blue eyes expected to see the worst- but didn't. Torn jeans, black asphalt streaks, but no blood. And barely a bruise, which was already healing.

"You have aura," Jaune's father realized. Jaune hadn't skidded- he'd practically skipped on an aura cushion.

Jaune's own blue eyes snapped open. "Sorry, Dad," he apologized, before drawing his knees in and shoving his father away with a two-legged kick.

His father was still stumbling backwards even as Jaune jumped to his feet and raced towards Yang. Bumblebee was already roaring… in the other direction.

"So long, sucker!" Yang shouted, racing away with a middle finger raised in farewell.

Cloud watched her go as Jaune slowed down to a stop.

"Jaune, I _really_ think you need better friends," he said.

/

Take 17

"Well, at least they know you're alive," Yang eventually said, looking at the bright side.

"Yeah," Jaune said. "And at least it wasn't my mom."

"She have an even bigger sword?" Yang asked, bemused.

"She would have thrown cars at us," Jaune said.

Yang laughed, but Jaune wasn't joking.

"You're not joking," Yang realized.

Jaune sighed. "Well, guess I'm not going into Vale again any time soon," he said. "She'll be hunting now that they know I'm somewhere around here."

Something tugged at the corner of Yang's mind, but she couldn't think of what. She tried to remember.

 _(_ _"Do you really have to be so rough?" Yang flirted once more, even as she prepared a fist with her free hand. "I'm sure we could… work things out between us. Wouldn't you rather be friends?" she asked, arcing her chest seductively.)_

No, not that.

 _("I can give you my name and number for a return address if you want," she offered, winking.)_

Not that either, though it was closer.

 _("Good!" Yang said, pleased. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to lug this back to Beacon.)_

That.

"Crap. They know where we live," Yang realized.

"What are we going to do? We can't go back to Beacon- they'll find us in no time!" Jaune exclaimed, leaning back into Yang in despair. He wasn't even paying attention to what exactly he was leaning against.

 _("I've seen better. Married better.")_

Yang scowled at the memory, though Jaune couldn't see it… but then a thought occurred to her. Revenge by proxy, perhaps?

"Hey, Jaune- what do you say to being kidnapped?"

"And that was how I eloped with your father."

/

Deleted Cut X

"I knew I should have chickened out of that Bullhead," Cloud groaned as he found himself back on terra firma once again. The world swam in and out of focus, and he leaned against the nearest trashcan like a drowning man to a life preserver.

"How weak. I thought only Arc was so pathetic."

"Hey," Cloud began, even though the world took strange tones and didn't want to stay still. "Motion sickness is a more common problem than people admit," he began, looking up.

He froze. Gray hair below the waist. A white coat over an androgynous body. A sword. A contemptuous air of superiority, and more dust-materia than you could sneeze at.

Instinct took over.

"Die, Sephiroth!"

Weiss screamed as the madman attacked.

/

Take 18

"So what was his dad like, Yang?" Nora asked the blonde brawler.

"Was he like Jaune?" Pyrrha wanted to fantasize.

Yang laughed. "Nah, he was a total badass," she denied, to Jaune's deflation. "Swung around a massive two-hander with just one hand, while driving. Kinda cute, though- in a lanky, pretty-boy sort of way. He had those arms… and those eyes… and that ass…" she salivated. Pyrrha's cheeks reddened more the usual, and a trickle of blood suggested her own active imagination.

"Can you please not perv on my Dad infront of me?" Jaune pleaded uncomfortably.

"Can you please not perv on any Arcs at all?" Weiss contributed.

Yang didn't respond, lost in a trance and giggling as a little blood ran down her nose.

"Apparently not."

/

Take 19

"Are you talking about your mother, or Yang?" Blake asked, giving Yang an elbow in the side for good measure. A few of the friends laughed, but Jaune looked confused.

"My Mom," he said. "She gives the best hugs."

"Challenge accepted," Yang claimed, pulling Jaune in deep into her bosom. After more than a few moments- which is to say, when his frantic pounding on the table for air started to weaken- she loosened her hold.

"How do you feel now?" she asked Jaune, who was catching his breath. "Your Mom ever do that for you."

"I think I'll need a few more. For comparison's sake," Jaune claimed.

"Okay."

/

Take 20

"You're Jaune's Mom?" Ruby asked, staring in awe at the woman- most empathetically a woman- before her. Yang suppressed a frown.

"Indeed I am," Jaune's Mom said, looking at them. "Jaune calls me Mom, but you can call me Tifa. You must be Jaune's friends," she greeted.

"So- who wants to see embarrassing photos of Jaune as a baby?" she said, pulling out a scrap book.

"Ooh, ooh, me me me me!" Nora exclaimed, but she was only one of many.

"Well, here's a photo of Jaune crying after he wet the bed-"

"Mom!" Jaune protested.

"And here's a photo of Jaune dressed as a princess-"

"Ooh, what's that?"

"That's from the time Jaune thought he'd turn invisible if he took off his jammies and ran through the town…"

"Mom! I get it! Please, stop! I'll go back to Edge!"

/

Take 21

Tifa sighed. "Alright, introductions first, I guess," she said. "You know me already," she guessed. "I'm Tifa. Born Tifa Lockheart. Jaune's mother. His father is Cloud Strife. We're not actually married."

Ruby blinked. "You aren't married?"

"We live in sin, but we're not exclusive," Tifa said. "What, you think I gave Jaune seven sisters on my own, did you?"

/

Take 21.1

Tifa sighed. "Alright, introductions first, I guess," she said. "You know me already," she guessed. "I'm Tifa. Born Tifa Lockheart. Jaune's mother. His father is Cloud Strife. We're not actually married."

Yang perked up. "Does this mean he's available?"

/

Take 21.2

Tifa sighed. "Alright, introductions first, I guess," she said.

"We're Jaune's team," Pyrrha started, introducing the rest of JNPR.

"We're Jaune's friends," Ruby said, starting with her own.

"Alright, all of you line up so I can take a good look at you," she said, and they did.

She started at the end of RWBY, with Yang.

Yang stood tall, proud, and puffing her chest. Tifa gave her a considering gaze, and nodded. "Good enough for starters, I suppose" she said, before moving on.

She looked at Blake next. "Eh," she remarked, clearly unenthused. "I suppose the packaging is nice enough," she conceded. "Good legs, too."

"What is that all about?" Blake wondered.

Tifa took one look at Weiss, and passed on, laughing.

"Hey!"

Tifa stopped at Ruby, and gave her a curious second look. "How old are you?" she asked.

"Fifteen!" Ruby answered with pride. "I got into Beacon early," she said.

Tifa withheld judgement, and gave Ruby a pat. "Give it a few years," she encouraged, and moved on.

Jaune was already face palming. "I know what you're doing, Mom," he said. "Stop. Just… stop."

"Don't be like that, Jaune," Tifa said. "Just seeing how they measure up."

Pyrrha took that as a challenge. She stood with pride, straight and tall and with her shoulders as far back as she could.

Tifa raised an eyebrow. "Compensating much?" she asked.

"It's not the size, it's how you use it," Pyrrha claimed.

"You keep telling yourself that," Tifa said, patting her as she walked.

Nora gave a silly salute, tongue sticking out, as Tifa gave her an up and down.

"…acceptable," Tifa said before moving on and stopping.

Tifa looked at Ren. Ren looked back at Tifa. Tifa looked at Ren again. Ren met her gaze… and smirked.

Tifa turned around to Jaune.

"Honey," she said, "I want you to know that your father and I will always love you and support your choices."

/

Take 22

Tifa didn't look intimidated- though she gave a glance towards Jaune, who was in Glynda's possession. "Then why aren't you?" she asked, knowing the headmistress was leading to a point.

"Because I think it would be more beneficial not to," Headmaster Ozpin said as he walked in. "Tifa," he greeted. "Children," he nodded.

Tifa's position shifted to a more defensive one as Ozpin approached, but the man came to a casual stop out of her range- leaning on his cane, and sipping his coffee. "What say you we settle this matter like civilized people?" he proposed.

"Really? Okay," Yang said, turning to Tifa. "Would you _please_ let Jaune stay at Beacon to become a Hunter?" she asked.

"Only if he apologizes for running away from home without telling us he was safe," Tifa said.

"I'm sorry, Mom" Jaune apologized. "I really regret it, and won't do it again."

"Alright, sweetie. Apology accepted."

All the friends cheered at the reconciliation.

"Well, I suppose that works too," Ozpin said, looking disappointed.

/

Take 23

"Why a battle?" Ruby asked. "You could just make the decision yourself," she said.

"I could," Ozpin admitted. "Can any of you guess why I would rather not?"

"Mud and money," Ren suggested. "If the two of them fight it out in a mudpit, you could sell tickets and cover Beacon's financial costs for a year."

Ozpin and Glynda exchanged looks and quickly huddled.

"Could that work?" one whispered.

"At the very least it would help," weighed in the other.

"Can you get Port to help prepare the area in time?" the first wondered.

The two split, with Glynda taking her leave.

"That is an excellent answer, Lie Ren," Ozpin praised. "Good job identifying my plan."

/

Take 24

"Fine," Tifa grudgingly agreed. "Let's get this over with. Who's it going to be?" she asked, looking at the teams.

Most looked towards Pyrrha, who stepped forward. "I'll be more than happy to oblige," she said sweetly. "I assure you, you won't find me to be a pushover," she smiled with a competitive edge.

But a hand on her shoulder pulled her back. "Sorry, Cereal Girl, but I've got this."

Pyrrha looked like she wanted to disagree, but Yang gave Pyrrha a curt nod. The girls exchanged silent understanding before Pyrrha returned the nod and stepped back.

Tifa gave Yang a serious, evaluating look, much as she had Pyrrha earlier. Yang just smirked as Tifa's eyes came up her chest to look her at the face. No dismissive comment from Tifa followed.

"What's your stake in this? This would already be over if you hadn't interfered," Tifa ultimately asked. "You going to tell me you're in love with my son or something?"

Yang froze. "O-of course not!" she denied, flushing. "It's not like I'm doing this for him or anything! And I'm definitely not trying to get my foot in the door before he grows into a total hunk!"

Pyrrha's eyes widened. "You sneaky-"

/

Take 25

Tifa gave Yang a serious, evaluating look, much as she had Pyrrha earlier. Yang just smirked as Tifa's eyes came up her chest to look her at the face. No dismissive comment from Tifa followed.

"What's your stake in this? This would already be over if you hadn't interfered," Tifa ultimately asked. "You going to tell me you're in love with my son or something?"

There might have been a subtle gasp behind her, but Yang lifted her head back and laughed. "Me? And Jaune?" she gasped. "That's the funniest thing I've heard all day."

Jaune didn't look as offended as Tifa did. Heck, he didn't look offended at all, which was why his mother had to be on his behalf.

"What's your problem with my baby?!" Tifa demanded, picking him up like an oversized doll. "He's blonde… he's adorable… you should be begging to be in his presence!"

Yang laughed, and unveiled her own defense. "Jaune's not bad, but he's got nothing on to the power of the imouto!" she declared, picking up and holding Ruby infront of her. "I know what you're thinking- I think it all the time myself. "Yang," I say. "This can't be real. No way. My little sister can't be this cute." But she is! Jaune has nothing on that."

Tifa had a counter-argument to that. Yang had a counter to the counter. Between them, two bodies hung in their air, barely a foot from eachother.

"This happen to you often?" Jaune asked an embarrassed looking Ruby.

"Yeah. You?" Ruby returned.

"Same," Jaune admitted. They both sighed.

Family could be so embarrassing sometimes.

/

Take 26

"Then why?" Tifa asked, even as she pulled her combat glove snugger over her hand.

Yang did the same as she stepped forward.

"I could say it's because Jaune owes me and I aim to collect," Yang began as she adjusted her first glove.

"I could say it's because Pyrrha would be at a disadvantage since you don't use metal," she continued, fixing the second glove as she kept moving forward.

"Way to spill my secret, Yang!" Pyrrha called out.

/

Take 27

The curtain opened, and Tifa could see her recent opponent- lying in the infirmary bed next to her, looking better than Tifa felt but still with a leg raised in a cast. Her company consisted of Jaune, who had opened the privacy curtain after hearing Tifa stir and wake up.

"Hey Mom," Jaune greeted from Yang's bedside.

"Hey Jaune's Mom," Yang echoed from beside him, giving a smug little wave.

Tifa frowned. "You going to gloat?" she asked.

"Of course not," Yang denied. "That would be rude and passive aggressive."

Tifa sighed, just a little bit in relief.

"I'm just going to claim my prize while you're trapped to that bed," Yang continued.

"Huh? What do you mean-" Jaune was cut off as Yang kept her word. His resistance was, shall we say, less than impressive.

Tifa turned away as blood rushed to her face and tried to tune them. Yang did her best to make that impossible.

Tifa was have preferred the gloating.

/

Take 28

"Well, you're staying, for one. That's settled," Cloud pointed out, giving a meaningful look to Tifa, who nodded.

"I can't exactly drag you home now," she admitted.

"A duel is a duel," Yang drawled, making 'duel' sound like 'deal.' "And I aim to collect."

There was a moment's pause as Jaune's family took that in.

Cloud turned to Jaune, and gave him a man hug- half hug, half shake of a hand.

"Just remember, Jaune," he said, passing sage advice and something else in the shake. "Use protection, and if that doesn't work, take responsibility."

/

Take 29

"Thanks, Yang," he said, and gave her an audacious hug before begging his leave. "I'll be back in just a bit," he promised, before fleeing the room.

Tifa watched Yang watch him go, before Yang seemed to realize both parents had watched that. She looked only a little flushed in her good cheer. Cloud didn't comment, but Tifa's expression didn't change either. She just kept watching Yang, until Yang's confidence began to give way to apprehension at the silent stare.

"Hugging, huh?" she simply said once Yang was primed.

"Jaune's just a friendly guy!" Yang protested. "I know he's gotten hugs from Nora- who hasn't? And I'm pretty sure he's hugged my sister. And Pyrrha. I think." A beat.

"Wow, he really sounds like a philanderer when I put it like that, doesn't he?"

/

Take 29.1

"Thanks, Yang," he said, and gave her an audacious hug before begging his leave. "I'll be back in just a bit," he promised, before fleeing the room.

Tifa watched Yang watch him go, before Yang seemed to realize both parents had watched that. She looked only a little flushed in her good cheer. Cloud didn't comment, but Tifa's expression didn't change either. She just kept watching Yang, until Yang's confidence began to give way to apprehension at the silent stare.

"Hugging, huh?" she simply said once Yang was primed.

"Jaune's just a friendly guy!" Yang protested. "I know he's gotten hugs from Nora- who hasn't? And I'm pretty sure he's hugged my sister. And Pyrrha. I think." A beat. "It doesn't mean anything!" she claimed.

By the estatic expression on Tifa's face, she disagreed. "So many girls? My boy how grown up so much!"

Tears flowed down Cloud's face as he tried to restrain his emotion. "I'm so proud… Jaune has become so manly," he said.

"We're going to have grandchildren, Cloud!" Tifa rejoiced.

"I'll buy the house!" Cloud returned. "No- I'll built it myself! They'll need everything from the kids."

"I can babysit," Tifa said, mind racing as she planned for the extended family.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Yang protested, trying to derail this. "It was just a hug! You don't get pregnant from just hugs! What are you, kids?"

"Uh, Yang?" came a new voice, as Ruby made her presence known at the door. "About that… Did you know Jaune has a really, _really_ fun semblance?" she said, tracing a hand over her stomach.

/

Take 29.2

"Thanks, Yang," he said, and gave her an audacious hug before begging his leave. "I'll be back in just a bit," he promised, before fleeing the room.

Tifa watched Yang watch him go, before Yang seemed to realize both parents had watched that. She looked only a little flushed in her good cheer. Cloud didn't comment, but Tifa's expression didn't change either. She just kept watching Yang, until Yang's confidence began to give way to apprehension at the silent stare.

"Hugging, huh?" she simply said once Yang was primed.

"Jaune's just a friendly guy!" Yang protested. "I know he's gotten hugs from Nora- who hasn't? And I'm pretty sure he's hugged my sister. And Pyrrha. I think." A beat. "It doesn't mean anything!" she claimed.

"Well, that's a shame," Tifa said, cracking a smile despite herself. "I was going to give you my blessing and everything."

"Blessing!?" Yang echoed, voice rising, sounding somewhere between horrified and embarrassed.

"But of course," Tifa said. "I need someone strong enough to protect Jaune while I can't. You've more than proven yourself capable," Tifa said airily, but she took a turn for the more serious. "What do you say to that?" she asked.

Yang crossed her arms, considered.

"Do I start calling you 'Mom' now, or after it's official?" Yang asked.

/

Take 30

They watched Cloud push Tifa out the door, and listened for awhile until they were down the hallway. It was another silence- a comfortable one- but it was always going to break.

"Well, that was a thing," Yang said, diverting Jaune's attention. "I'm glad that worked out well."

"Yeah. Me too," Jaune said, before looking at her. "Thanks, Yang. I mean that- you helped me a lot with my family. I don't know how to say that enough."

"Why Jaune!" Yang exclaimed, faking surprise. "Don't tell me you're falling for me now!"

Jaune started. "Uh, no! Of course not! That would be totally presumptuous of me. In fact, I hadn't even thought about it until you brought it up, this all so sudden and my heart isn't ready but-"

"Jaune. I was joking," Yang said pityingly. "Too soon?"

Jaune sagged, shoulders dropping. "Much."

/

Take 31

Jaune was instantly at the bedside, hovering like he had over Tifa hours before. "Are you in pain? Is there something I can do?" Jaune asked, eager to help. "I owe you a lot," he reminded.

"Yeah, you do," Yang said. "I am a bit thirsty, come to think of it. Fetch me a Strawberry Sunrise," she ordered. "No Ice."

"Sure," Jaune agreed instantly, getting up.

"Oh, and get me my hairbrush from my room," Yang said. "Got to take care of my horrible injury to my best feature."

"Got it," Jaune confirmed.

"And steal Blake's box of 'toys' she thinks is hidden beneath my bed."

"Uh… sure," Jaune said, blushing.

"And don't forget the lube," Yang reminded.

"Uh…" Jaune was a bit nervous. But Yang had a not-so-comforting smile at all on her face as she cupped his face in her hand.

"And get something for your knees, cause from now on you're my bitch, bitch," Yang said, giving a slap for good measure.

Jaune torn between terrified, and… actually, let's go with terrified.

"Yang!" Never had a Ruby Rescue sounded so good.

"Don't monopolize Jaune like that!"

/

Take 32

Jaune came over, escaping his parents arms, and gave Yang an infinitely grateful look as he took it. "Thanks, Yang," he said, voice cracking from recent emotion. "For everything. I'd give you a hug right now, but-" he trailed off, looking at her bruised and bandaged body.

"Eh, you can give me my reward later-" Yang began.

Jaune bent down, and gave her a peckon the lips.

"Thanks," he said again.

"You can thank me like that any time," Yang said.

Tifa ominously cracked her knuckles.

/

Take 32.1

Jaune came over, escaping his parents arms, and gave Yang an infinitely grateful look as he took it. "Thanks, Yang," he said, voice cracking from recent emotion. "For everything. I'd give you a hug right now, but-" he trailed off, looking at her bruised and bandaged body.

"Eh, you can give me my reward later-" Yang began.

Jaune bent down, and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Thanks," he said again.

Yang was actually shocked speechless for moment- or at least long enough for him to be out the door.

"Did he- did _Jaune_ really just," Yang began, raising her hand to her cheek and shocked that Jaune would have the guts to do something like that. "Why that mother-fu-"

"Ahem," Tifa interrupted with a false smile and an ominous crack of her knuckles- and an even more ominous thumb slash across her neck.

"Who gave you permission to accept my son's affections?"

/

Take 33

"Did you see that?" Yang demanded of them. "Tell me you didn't see that. Tell me you punched me in the head or something and I imagined it- please- because what kind of guy does that?"

"A grateful one," Cloud answered matter of factly. "He must think highly of you."

"He didn't even aim for the lips!" Yang couldn't believe. "He didn't even try! What kind of thank-you kiss is that?"

"What would you have done if he had?" Tifa wondered.

"I'll show you," Yang promised. "Jaune!" Yang shouted, yelling out the door and down the hall. "Get your ass back here and do it right!"

/

Take 34

"That is- ugh," Yang grumped, settling back down. "I've already got all the sibling love I want. I don't need to be sis-zoned as well."

"I hope you aren't too disappointed to be there," Tifa said in a particular tone.

"What are you trying to say?" Yang asked, looking at her.

"Just that I have no objection to you being friends with my son, but I wouldn't approve of anything more," Tifa said.

"There isn't anything more," Yang said.

"Good!" Tifa said agreeably, in a way that needled Yang's ego. "After all, my son only deserves the best."

Ooh, that one stung. "I'll show you," Yang muttered as she turned away. "Just wait till you leave, you mumblemumble."

Tifa smirked with Cloud. Operation: Reverse Psychology was a go.

/

Take 35

Cloud led the pair on the way out, but Tifa stopped in the door, crutches and all, to give a final look at Yang.

"I'm trusting you to get stronger as well," Tifa said. "If I find Jaune's been hurt, I will be back- and I won't hold back either," she vowed. "Don't forget what I said about my blessing," she warned. She raised two fingers in a v, pointed them at her own eyes, and then pointed them at Yang. "I'll be watching you," she mouthed, before she took her crutches down the hall.

Yang and Jaune listened to the sound go further, and eventually fade away. Jaune spoke first.

"What was that about?" he asked Yang. "Blessing?"

Yang was about to deny it, but a thought occurred to her. Revenge by proxy, huh…

"Oh, your Mom and I really hit it off," she punned, "and she gave me permission to do something."

"Do what?" Jaune asked.

Yang didn't say anything, but waved him over.

"Permission to do what?" Jaune asked once he was back at her bedside.

"You," Yang lied, and pulled him in.

/

Take 36

"Well, I had to earn at least some brownie points from all that," Yang said. "You already said I was amazing, so no take-backsies. How good?" she asked Jaune.

"On my 'Best Girls of Remnant' chart, I give you, oh…" he considered. "A solid ten."

"Ten out of ten?" Yang said, pleased with herself. "Nice. What's your mother score- eleven?"

"Oh, she's one," Jaune said, as if it should be obvious.

"One?" Yang repeated. "You mean- I'm in tenth place?" she realized. "How's that an improvement?"

"You beat Ruby now!" Jaune protested in his (her?) defense. "You moved up!"

"What, Ruby's not good enough to be in your top ten?" Yang demanded, offended on her precious sister's behalf (and suddenly understanding Tifa's perspective a little bit better). "Who's ahead of us?" she demanded.

"Well, Mom is secure in her spot at number one," Jaune said, to no protest. "And then there are my seven sisters... then there's Pyrrha," he said.

At least it wasn't Weiss, but still- "Come on," Yang protested. "I just fought your mother, for Jaune's sake! Thanks to me, you're still in Beacon! That's gotta beat Pyrrha!"

Jaune wasn't moved. "You _lost_ to my mother," Jaune pointed out. "Mom let me stay at Beacon. Maybe if it had been Pyrrha, Mom wouldn't have had the choice at all," Jaune said in an affected tone. "Besides- Pyrrha is naturally caring and amazing. You bully me for fun. Sorry, Yang, my partner is definitely Number Nine," Jaune sniffed in dismissal.

"You know what, Jaune? You should totally tell her that," Yang suggested hotly.

"You know what? I think I will," Jaune said. "Hey, Pyrrha," he called out to the girl conveniently walking by the hallway. "You're in my Top Ten Favorite Women of Remnant."

Pyrrha squealed internally. "Oh?" she said instead, playing it cool. "That's nice."

Yang shot her a disgruntled look, having hoped for something more. "Don't get too excited, Cereal Girl," she warned. "you're only number nine."

"Who are the other eight?" Pyrrha asked politely. _Who do I have to kill?_

"My family," Jaune said simply.

 _Well, there goes that plan._ "What would I have to do to beat them?" Pyrrha asked.

Jaune considered. "Hm… become family, I guess?"

 _Deal._ "Certainly," Pyrrha said instantly, pulling a marker out of… somewhere. "Where do I sign?"

"And that's how I got this tattoo."

/

Final Take

The Sweet One You Were All Really Hoping For

/

"What was that about?" he asked Yang. "Blessing?"

"It's nothing, just a thing," Yang waved off, diverting Jaune's attention. "I'm glad everything ended up working out for you."

"Yeah. Me too," Jaune said, before looking at her. "Thanks, Yang. I mean that- you helped me a lot with my family. I don't think I could say that enough."

"You've got a funny way of expressing it," Yang said, remembering the peck on her cheek. "Don't tell me you're falling for me now," she said, half-playful and half something else.

Jaune didn't notice the ambiguity and simply laughed- as sincerely as Yang had before the fight. "Me? And you?" he laughed. From his mother, it would have pissed her off- from him, it was just reassuring and comfortable. "Yang, my mom just beat you half to death. Imagine if a boy Ruby put into the hospital turned around and asked you out."

"Oh, I'd hear him out at least," Yang protested. "Give him a chance if he got beat up for the right reasons. It'd depend on how cute he was."

Jaune took gave her an evaluating look. "The half of you that's not in bandages or body casts is bruised black and blue," he pointed out with a cough.

That hurt, almost. "You didn't have to put it like that," Yang muttered, downcast. "I know I'm a mess." Bruises marred her face and body, too many bruised ribs to count, an eye nearly swollen shut...

Jaune winced. Thanks to the cough, that hadn't come out like he meant. "You don't have anything to worry about," he said more softly than he might have, leaning in closer to be heard. "You look fine, Yang."

"Oh?" Yang returned, willing to be flattered. "How so?"

"I thought you looked amazing," Jaune said, barely realizing how close he was getting. "Still do," he admitted.

"How much?" Yang whispered, giving him a smile that was both encouraging and inviting at the same time… and perhaps even a touch shy, given how beaten and bruised she were.

"Very," Jaune confessed, and leaned forward to kiss her. It was gentle, and grateful, and encouraging all at once. If there was a soft sigh, it wasn't from the pain or the bruises.

Yang was smiling as they separated, and gave him a peck on the cheek much as he had to her. "Thanks," she whispered, blushing a little.

Jaune was smiling and blushing too- a bit harder in both respects than Yang. "If that's how you show thanks, I might do it again," he joked, heart on his sleeve in the moment.

"Okay," Yang accepted, and gave his other cheek a peck before she leaned back onto her pillow. "Thanks in advance, then."

Jaune's eyes widened. Yang offered the hint of a smirk, radiant despite the black and blue bruises that covered her.

Jaune leaned in again.

"Ruby? Why are you standing outside the door?" Blake asked as she and Weiss caught up with their leader.

"Weren't you the one who insisted we comfort Yang about losing the fight and Jaune?" Weiss asked. She might have had the most to gain (or at least the greatest annoyance to lose) from the loss and imminent departure of her unwanted suitor, but that didn't mean that she didn't care about her friend.

Ruby gave a nervous laugh, cheeks red. "I don't think that'll be necessary anymore," she claimed. "I saw his parents on their way out, and they said he could stay."

"That's good news," Blake accepted, even if Weiss differed, "but what about comforting Yang for losing the fight?"

"I think Jaune's got that handled," Ruby claimed, dragging her friends away.

/

* * *

/

Author Note:

And with that, the 'Meet the Parents' arc of 'Meet the Family' is over. If you like a plot, or actual shipping, look no further- that's as much as you'll get.

So what's next with this?

Eventually- probably in a few weeks- I'll start writing oneshots on other relatives. Depending on how my upcoming workload balances, this will either be alongside or alternative weekly updates with 'Dead Man Walking,' which is my priority project. These will be, again, oneshots. No major plot. No linking plot. Little more than contexts/excuses to introduce crossover characters, have a few laughs, and move on. Depending on the character used, there will be alternating support characters with Jaune- so Yang's going to give way to other members of the cast.

As for who's next... well, why not make your own recommendations? I've got a small list already, but feel free to suggest your own- anyone blonde haired, blue eyed, and prominent in their series is up for grabs. Feel free to suggest as much, or little, about it: how they're related, premise of the crossover, whatever. Even if I don't take it, you could have fun reading other people's reviews.

Until then- go watch the new Season 3 of RWBY that comes out today.


End file.
